Far and Away

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Anonymous wrote:

Sean,

Do long distance relationships work?  I’ve been dating a guy from Orlando for the past 9 months and we’ve hit a bit of a rocky patch.  I live in Arizona and we only see each other about once a month, which has also taken it’s toll on our relationship.  He accuses me of cheating if I go a few days without calling him and he always says he’ll call, then doesn’t..then calls the next morning.  We’ve been arguing for a few weeks now and despite the fact that he says he’s moving out here at the end of the semester, I can’t help but to believe he’s stringing me along.

Do long distance relationships automatically fail?

Anonymous

Anonymous,

I feel that if a relationship needs to be qualified by anything (i.e., “long distance”, “on again and off again”, etc.,), it’s doomed for failure.  A relationship should stand all by itself and have the foundation to support that.  A long distance relationship doesn’t have that foundation because there was “long” and “distance” before there was any relationship building.

(Taking a break from writing this…I sliced the inside of my mouth on a damn plastic spoon while eating Greek yogurt….aaaaand back.)

As I was saying…

A relationship needs some basic foundation before it is strong enough to stand on it’s own.  Think of a newborn baby.  When it’s born, do we move it into a house, give it a job, and expect it to survive?  No..we have to take time to build physical, mental, and emotional foundations.  If we don’t take that time and put in that effort we end up with a child that is dead or seriously messed up.  The same thing applies with a relationship.  If you don’t take the time to build the emotional, physical and mental foundations, it’s doomed to fail…or be seriously messed up.  Long distance doesn’t give us the time or resources to build foundations, and therefore, I feel they are all doomed to fail.  If you feel it’s still strong enough to fix, one of you needs to move closer.  If it’s not strong enough, it’s time to walk away.

Sean

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