The friend just really seems self-centered. Why should Rhonda end the friendship because her friend is self-centered? I don’t get it. Can’t people be different?
I am sure most people would agree when I say there is very little room for being self-centered in any sort of relationship. If you’re constantly overlooking commitments or the needs of people other than yourself, you’re a burden..plain and simple. I have very little tolerance for self-centered people and people that don’t follow through on commitments, because it’s a waste of time to constantly have to babysit them for the sake of friendship. Now, you may say THAT is self-centered, but if you look at it from the perspective of me wanting to spend time with people that want to spend time with me (and seeing the self-centered people are simply wasting that time), then it’s not self-centered at all. My time isn’t ME time..it’s WE time, almost all of the time.
And again, I am not saying to take the first chance to throw away friendship. If there is something larger here (like depression), then a real friend will help see the other friend through.
Lives overlap. It's how we deal with this that shows others who we really are..
I have something to ask that maybe you could help with. I have a friend that is not rude or mean or anything, but she acts as though everything needs to revolve around her. For example, we were roommates and she kept using my DVDs and not putting them back. I asked her to take better care of them and she kept making excuses. I also asked her for help cleaning and she said she would, but then she’d never get things done. We didn’t last as roommates..I booted her before our year was up.
We are still friends though, and even that is strained. She is really lazy and will often put off spending time with me because it doesn’t fit with her plans. She likes to shop, sleep, dink around online, and take pictures..that’s really almost all she ever does. When I ask her to come out or to hang out, she always has other things going on and makes such a big deal when she does hangout with me. She also says she’ll hang out but stands me up. It’s almost like she feels she’s doing me a favor by spending time with me.
Is this friend really a friend?..or is she just keeping me around? It seems like she only wants to do what benefits her at the time and that she doesn’t care about anyone else.
Your friend doesn’t seem like a true friend. Friends need to care about someone other than themselves (and that sometimes means doing things they don’t feel like doing..like taking care of your stuff) and it doesn’t seem like she can do that. I looked around online and the top reasons friends can make terrible roomies are:
1. They’re too messy.
2. They don’t take care of each other’s things.
3. They don’t pay bills on time.
It seems like your friend had two of three covered. Good thing you kept the friendship after you kicked her out..or is it?
Your friend seems oblivious to the needs of others around her and seems to only care about what benefits her and her time. True friends don’t think like this. True friends do things like help friends move, follow through on commitments, and think about their friends needs in addition to their own. You may want to figure out if she has something going on in her life that is causing her to withdraw. Sometimes people with messes (appearance and personal space), withdrawn social interaction, and lack of focus are suffering from some sort of depression. You taking the extra step to show you care may pay off in the long run. If depression isn’t the case, I’d lay it out for her and tell her how you feel. If she’s going to continue doing only what benefits her, let her know that you don’t want her in your life.
I compiled a short list of everyone that emailed with responses. It looks as though only one person left the response as a comment. FEEL FREE TO LEAVE RESPONSES AS A COMMENT GOING FORWARD. Thanks..
Here we go:
I’d hit up Red Lobster and order every lobster meal on the menu.
I’d join you with Izzys. Nothing better.
I don’t know if you have this there, but Hu Hot. I love it!
I, like many, would choose Cheesecake Factory. If I’m going to burn in hell, I’ll be the fattiest burning guy around.
Wow!.. well thanks guys!