Center of the universe

Reaction of two people whose personal space ar...

Lives overlap. It's how we deal with this that shows others who we really are..

Rhonda wrote:

Hi!

I have something to ask that maybe you could help with.  I have a friend that is not rude or mean or anything, but she acts as though everything needs to revolve around her.  For example, we were roommates and she kept using my DVDs and not putting them back.  I asked her to take better care of them and she kept making excuses.  I also asked her for help cleaning and she said she would, but then she’d never get things done.  We didn’t last as roommates..I booted her before our year was up.

We are still friends though, and even that is strained.  She is really lazy and will often put off spending time with me because it doesn’t fit with her plans.  She likes to shop, sleep, dink around online, and take pictures..that’s really almost all she ever does.  When I ask her to come out or to hang out, she always has other things going on and makes such a big deal when she does hangout with me.  She also says she’ll hang out but stands me up.  It’s almost like she feels she’s doing me a favor by spending time with me.

Is this friend really a friend?..or is she just keeping me around?  It seems like she only wants to do what benefits her at the time and that she doesn’t care about anyone else.

Rhonda

Rhonda,

Your friend doesn’t seem like a true friend.  Friends need to care about someone other than themselves (and that sometimes means doing things they don’t feel like doing..like taking care of your stuff) and it doesn’t seem like she can do that.  I looked around online and the top reasons friends can make terrible roomies are:

1.  They’re too messy.

2.  They don’t take care of each other’s things.

3.  They don’t pay bills on time.

It seems like your friend had two of three covered.  Good thing you kept the friendship after you kicked her out..or is it?

Your friend seems oblivious to the needs of others around her and seems to only care about what benefits her and her time.  True friends don’t think like this.  True friends do things like help friends move, follow through on commitments, and think about their friends needs in addition to their own.  You may want to figure out if she has something going on in her life that is causing her to withdraw.  Sometimes people with messes (appearance and personal space), withdrawn social interaction, and lack of focus are suffering from some sort of depression.  You taking the extra step to show you care may pay off in the long run.  If depression isn’t the case, I’d lay it out for her and tell her how you feel.  If she’s going to continue doing only what benefits her, let her know that you don’t want her in your life.

Sean

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