How important are the foundations of a relationship? We often find ourselves caught up in the newness of the relationship..the exciting first kiss, the fascination of new feelings and experiences, and the elation of the “chase and capture”…but we don’t always take time to realize the foundational aspects of our actions.
A relationship is like a house. Without a foundation, its doomed to fall even if you go back and try to build a foundation later, because the foundation gives the relationship strength and purpose. Without the foundation, when the newness wears off, you’re left with nothing to build from and things can quickly crumble. Similarly, a rose isn’t a sweet smelling flower right off of the bat, it takes growth, effort, time, and nurturing to grow…but without the seed (the foundations), it’s nothing. I appreciate the smell of a rose because of the time and effort it took to make such a beautiful and wonderfully scented thing, not because I’m holding it and smelling it. Get my point?
I am a details guy. I’ve been called “anal” and “weird”, but I see things two ways: time and detail.
I can tell you things about every woman I’ve dated. For example (some may be the same person):
1. Two of them had a sister named Katie, but only one had a brother named Coy.
2. One was a twin.
3. One had her parents divorce, only to get back together later in life and realize they made a great couple.
4. One does cabaret and makes a damn good living.
5. One wanted to be an interior designer and would have been fantastic, but chose a different route.
6. One kept remembering the days when she and her siblings were closer than they are today, and felt helpless to change it.
7. One owned a hair salon and was working herself crazy trying to keep it profitable.
8. One was a closet Savage Garden fan.
9. One had a fear of bikes from a childhood crash.
10. One had a beauty mark behind her ear that she was self conscious of, even though no one could see it.
I could go on and on, but the number of details aren’t my point, it’s the fact that I took time to not only learn the tiny little details of each person I’ve dated, but I also learned to see the beauty in each detail..which is why I can still remember them today. These details are all a part of the foundation of a relationship. Details like family, dreams and aspirations, past loves and experiences, friends, and even pets. Every beautiful bit of information adds another brick in a growing foundation.
A relationship lived in the now has no foundation, nor does one lived in the past or the future. A relationship involves growth from our own personal foundations to join into one, then time and effort to grow into the present, and nurturing to grow into the future. If we fail to look at all three, we will often lose sight of the very reason why we’re in the relationship to begin with. If we ignore the person’s past, if we only see them in the now, and if we don’t examine how our actions will affect the future, our relationship stands a greater chance of meeting an early end.
It’s almost summer. Make sure you’ve planted the seed for a solid foundation. You’ll eventually be holding something beautiful.