I read THIS post and had to laugh at number 3 because (while he was talking about poop and mine is on the precursory actions) I totally agree, everyone needs to find a fart hideout at work.
Years ago, I worked in a cube next to a guy that had awful gas. He’d have obnoxiously loud stomach growls and even occasionally let out a fart right at his desk (I presume the pressure was too much) and then try to cover it up by fake coughing. Those of us all knew he’d farted..coughs don’t smell like rotten ass.
I have no idea what his diet consisted of (other than the occasional Burger King breakfast which would give ANYONE gas), but he was gassy every single day, and because we worked in a small office with micromanaging bosses who scouted for people to be away from their desks, he had nowhere to go “fart out” his troubles. It was the telecom industry and managers somehow knew every time you popped your head up to head for the bathroom. They’d bombard you with productivity reports and ask for daily progress as you were inches from the bathroom door, with your sphincter quivering in anticipation of sweet release once you were inside the solitude of the bathroom walls. You’d be forced to stand there, ass-swallowing your fart back up into your intestines, as you quickly gave the manager the best answer you could, just to escape.
I felt bad for the guy. He had nowhere to go..literally..
Every workplace should be lenient enough to allow freedom of movement. People get gassy. I am thankful every day for every fart spot I’ve ever had (once place even had a landing that I climbed with a ladder). It’s not a bonus..it’s a necessity. Everyone wants to fart when they have to and no one wants their neighbor to smell it (at least I don’t know of anyone who yells, “Smell THIS!”), so like the author of the article says, scout around and find a private spot you can blow out a few notes. Hopefully your boss understands.