I posted “Someone like you” from Adele on my Facebook page yesterday for the listening enjoyment of my Facebook friends, and a friend, who prefers to remain anonymous, wrote me this:
Love the Adele. Got a question for you and you can feel free to post this on the blog: Adele’s song is about someone who can’t get over her ex and I’m in the same boat. I can’t get over mine. It’s been three years, two failed relationships, loads of therapy, and I still can’t help but to lie awake at night and wonder if he’s thinking of me as much as I am thinking of him. Do you have any advice on how to let go? I am not sure if there is anything you could say to make this feeling go away, but I thought I’d ask.
PS: Your blog is a daily part of my life and I think you’re a wonderful person for doing this.
Anonymous (name changed upon request)
Letting go of a past relationship is difficult. In one hand you’re holding memories, emotions, promises and hopes in one hand and uncertainty and fear in the other, so it’s easy to choose the brighter of the two possibilities..but if it’s time to let go, sometimes it’s worth wading into uncertainty and fear if it means you’ll eventually grow from the experience.
I don’t know how your relationship ended but it appears as if it wasn’t your choice. I’ve been there, and while it is a painful and harrowing experience, you WILL be fine-if you can just let go. I have had wonderful moments and some disastrous endings, and no matter what anyone says, its okay to remember the wonderful moments because they make us who we are, but don’t hold them close to your heart. Instead, treat them like a book..enjoy them for what they’re worth and then store them up on the shelf in the library of your life. Some will collect dust and some will disappear, but the others will just stay there as a part of your collection.
You can lie awake at night and wonder endlessly how someone is feeling, but the truth is, if they felt as strongly as you did, they’d be next to you. This person obviously doesn’t feel the same way anymore and has moved on..to a life without you. If you to continue on through life always looking back at that relationship, it’ll be dangerous. No one moves forward while always looking back.
Now, I know you relatively well so I’ll say this: You’re a stubborn woman. As long as I’ve known you and the men you’ve dated, you’ve been the stubborn one and I think it’s because you were hurt once and decided somewhere along the way that life would either be lived your way or the “wrong way”. This time, let go of that stubbornness and stop living your life for your needs and start seeing the needs of other people. Your ex needs you to let go as much as you need to let go. Move on, let him be happy and you’ll be happy too, I promise.