Too close..?

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Biff12 wrote:

Is it me, or is the online dating world shrinking?  I go onto ANY dating site and I see FB friends, friends of friends, and people I grew up with.  Even the unknown women I’ve emailed on those sites usually turn up if I browse through a friend’s friend list on FB.  It seems like everyone’s connected these days and it’s driving me nuts.  How do I find someone who isn’t socially connected to people I know?

Biff12

Biff12,

I guess the more important question here is, why is finding someone not socially connected to people you know so important?  I tested your theory with a little experiment of my own.  I searched a dating site for 4 people that either had an easily recognizable face or a first name in their profile name.  I then searched 4 of my facebook friends with incredibly large friend lists to see if I could find them.  If unsuccessful on a “first level search”, I chose 4 people from those friends’ friend lists (I’m getting in deep) and looked to see if they popped up there.  Here are my findings:

1.  Girl one is a blonde 25 year old from the metro.  Dog owner, likes camping and the outdoors, is thin and athletic.  Shannon is in her profile name.  Searching FB profile of an friend on Facebook that loves partying, Duluth, and Lake Minnetonka beaches.  It didn’t take long.  I found Shannon, right there on my friend’s page.  First level find.

2.  Girl two is an asian girl who says she is from China and moved to MN last year.  She cherishes family and friends, and loves reading.  Going to school for an engineering degree.  (This one may be difficult since she isn’t from the U.S, but I’ll give it a shot.)  I am scanning the profile of a Facebook friend that is into art, has many European friends, and seems relatively social.  No luck on the first level search, so I click onto a profile of a blonde “douchebaggish” looking guy in a Tapout type shirt.  He’s smiling with two women standing next to him. No luck.  However…I clicked on the first friend on HIS list just for fun and she showed up right there.  Third level find.

3.  I changed teams and found a guy with the name Darwin in his profile name.  He is happy, healthy, and has pictures of his house and car and says he’s looking for someone who can remain attractive and sexual.  Seems like a winner.  Has tons of pictures hanging out with “the guys” too and seems like he doesn’t like being alone.  I looked at a guy friend’s Facebook friend list and didn’t find Darwin on the first level, but after clicking on a woman who is in the education field, I found Darwin there on her friend list. Second level find.

4.  The final person is a guy with no name in the profile.  He is “looking for someone sexy” and is smart, has a job and car.  he’d like to find a nice lady to “kick it with”, get drinks with and one who is “on her job”.  This one may be the toughest.  I am picking a girl from my friend list that is a regular club-goer and may even do some promoting.  From the guy’s pictures, he is into the club/bar scene.  I dive into the friend list and come up empty handed, so I go to a second level search of a girl that has worked at several clubs downtown.  No luck.  A third and fourth level search yields no results.  Could not locate.

It looks like you were right Biff12, the dating world is relatively connected to the social networking world.  however, you see this as a bad thing where I see this as a good thing.  I have yet to determine why you feel this is a negative, but i see a positive here because it adds a level of familiarity to the dating experience.  It potentially opens up conversation about the people you may know and could lead to some great conversations about past experiences.  The only reason I could think of it being negative is if you have a bad reputation with friends or women you’ve been on dates with and you’re worried about those people talking with each other and your name coming up.  If that isn’t the case, you’re fine.  It will all work out.  Of course if that IS the case, then you’re screwed.  Maybe you should work on being a better person.

Sean

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