Jane(y) says:

One of the more recent developments in hot dog...
Yes this is a hotdog toaster. Don't even get me started on how wrong a toasted bun may be..

My friend Janey posted a comment on her Facebook wall today that reminded me I’d been working on a post for awhile.  Her post:

“PSA: Young human beings are in no way similar to dogs.”

It essentially says what I’ve been wanting to say to any pet owner that compares dogs/cats to children. Whenever I hear the comment, “I don’t have kids, but I DO have a dog (or cat), and…”, I want to reply to them, “So?  What does that have to do with me talking about potty training or ear piercing my child (or whatever kid related thing I was talking about at the time)?”

It’s not that I am saying children are more important than pets or that for some reason my daughter takes conversational precedence over your pet, but you pet owners need to realize that your PET is not human.  I don’t care if your dog can kind of bark like he’s saying “I love you”, or if your cat flushes the toilet, it’s not human.  It can’t speak like a human, it can’t reason like a human, and it just doesn’t function like a human.  To give you an example of how this sounds, let me show you the following conversation:

Person A: “Hey, so I was driving my car the other day and this other guy comes out of nowhere and T-bones me on the driver side door.  My car is totally wrecked.”

Person B:  “Oh, wow.  I don’t have a car, but I DO have a toaster and I recently burned toast in it, so I know how you feel..”

Person A: “Wait, what?  You have a toaster?  What does that have to do with-?”

Person B: (interrupting) “Yeah, a toaster.  I know it’s not a car, but it acts like one.  It lights up on the inside when something gets into it, it overheats, it’s made of metal and plastic, and it uses energy.  So anyway, I burned this really good piece of sourdough-”

Person A: (interrupting) “Yeeeahhh, that’s nothing like I was talking about.  I was sitting in a car, not a toaster, bleeding into a pile of broken glass, not a bagel.  How could you even compare the two?”

Person B: “Look, toaster hater, just because you don’t like toasters doesn’t mean you have to be so insensitive.  I was trying to relate to you.  I-I just feel so alone without a car, so I was trying to find something in common. (teary eyes)”

Person A:  (sighing) “Look, I didn’t mean anything by what I said, it’s just that what you said didn’t make any sense.  If you want, we can go make some toast at your place and you could even drive my car over there.”

Person B: (smiling) “Really??  You mean it?”

Person A: “Yeah, I do, buddy.”

Annnnnd scene.

Do you see how ridiculous it sounds to compare two things that, even though one may TRY to find similarities, have nothing to do with each other?  Kids poop in their diapers.  Dogs poop on the grass.  Babies feed from a human mother’s breast.  A dog does not breastfeed from a human mother’s breast.  Dogs eat from a bowl they push around the kitchen floor like a idiot.  Kids eat from a bowl they somehow throw on their head, or across the room with superhuman strength.  Dogs pee in the corner.  Kids pee while running away during a diaper change. As close as these things may seem, it’s still two different worlds.

Janey managed to say all of this in one sentence.  Brilliant.