Funny what grammar can do with a song..

I was toying around with lyrics and song titles the other night and I realized there are many songs titles and lyrics that change meaning with the application of something as simple as a period, question mark or a comma.  I also wrote a short story with 80’s song titles (yes, I was bored).  Check them out:

Original: You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman (Carole King)

New:  You Make Me Feel Like a Natural, Woman.

Original : Long Way To The Top If You Wanna Rock And Roll (AC/DC)

New:  Long way to the top if you wanna.  Rock and Roll…

Original: Don’t Fear the Reaper (Blue Oyster Cult)

New:  Don’t.  Fear the reaper.

Original: Jesus Christ Superstar (Cast from Jesus Christ Superstar)

New: Jesus Christ, superstar.

Original: Sunshine on my shoulder (John Denver)

New: Sunshine?  On my shoulder.

Original: Love will keep us together (Captain and Tennille)

New: Love Will.  Keep us together.

Original: I’d really love to see you tonight (England Dan and John Ford Coley)

New: I’d really love to.  See you tonight?

Original: Where the streets have n name (U2)

New: Where?  The streets have no name.

 

Now for the short story..

Once in a lifetime, in your wildest dreams, Gloria lived like a virgin, locked in a castle because she’d had a view to a kill.  Her father, the King of Wishful Thinking, was murdered in the heat of the night by a lady in red and was now in Heaven.  Her stepmother, Sister Christian, told Gloria, “Hell is for children“, and in the heat of the moment, locked Gloria in a castle so far away from the kingdom.

Meanwhile, in the nearby city of Panama, a prince named Tom Sawyer stared at the man in the mirror and said, “I’m so sick of life in a northern town. Why can’t I find a girl to take my breath away?  I’d certainly give her a white wedding.”

Tom Sawyer grabbed his coat and set out in his Little Red Corvette for Funky Town in the kingdom of Wishful Thinking.  When he arrived where the streets have no name, he approached the tallest tower and found a message in a bottle.  The note inside read, “Missing.  Need you Tonight.  Can’t jump.   Saving all my love for you.  No more words.  I’m holding out for a hero.”

Tom looked up at the tower and saw a hand waving to him.  It was too high to see her, but  he could tell she was a heartbreaker.

“Who’s that girl?” He thought to himself.  He squinted through the purple rain at the rock lined walls of the tower so hard that he felt he was turning Japanese.  Suddenly, he noticed a large mound of dirt behind the tower and quickly went running up that hill.

I promised you a miracle,” he told himself as he ran.  “Please don’t go girl.  If you believe in the power of love, leave a light on for me.”

At the top of the hill, he jumped for the tower and grabbed onto the chains of love that were hanging from the side of the tower and pulled himself up into Gloria’s room.  Just then, the door burst open and Sister Christian ran into the room with a group of toy soldiers.

“Who can it be now?” She asked.

“I’m Tom,” said Tom.  “I am here for Gloria.  We live for love and we’re not gonna take it from you anymore.”

“Bring out the Hounds Of Love,” Sister Christian commanded.  “This is Urgent.”

But, before the toy soldiers could even find room to move, Tom threw a packet of Splenda in Sister Christian’s face.  Suddenly, she began to melt.

Why?!?” She screamed.  “How did you know that my only weakness was for you to pour some sugar on meHysteria!  I’m melting!”

Sister Christian was soon a puddle of clothes on the floor.

“Was that overkill?” Asked Tom.  I just wanted her to be blinded by the light.

Gloria shouted, “You saved me Tom!  We all have our freedom from the evil Sister Christian.”

Tom said, “I did it all for the glory of love.  I just can’t get enough of you Gloria.  Come, let us move to my castle in La Isla Bonita.”

Gloria kissed Tom and said, “We don’t need money for nothing Tom.  We could just live in a little cabin, but as long as I have your love, that cabin will be our loveshack!”

Tom scooped her up and brushed past the toy soldiers, saying, “You may be right.  But wouldn’t it be nice to walk this way for a vacation in Vienna or Africa?  I’ve been waiting for a girl like you Gloria.  All I wanna do is make love to you.”

Gloria smiled, kissed Tom and said, “I’m walking on sunshine Tom.  Let’s get up and go.  I’ll love you for the longest time. This is true.”

The end.

 

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