Good people. Sometimes good people get shit on. Sometimes good people have good things happen to them. Most times, good people are so concerned with trying to be perceived as a “good person” that they miss out on opportunities they could have achieved. I’m not advising anyone to go around being a prick, but I AM advising “good people” to stop sitting around thinking, “I’m a good person and if I just be a good person, good things will happen to me.” It isn’t realistic, and in today’s world, it’s rare, if not impossible.
Some people take on this mentality when it comes to their career. They put aside personal growth and just hope that something good will come along, then when something good DOES come along and they aren’t chosen for it, they blame everyone but themselves. To a “good person” lack of qualifications don’t matter, lack of experience doesn’t matter, nor does education. A “good person” believes that if they’re good and just work hard, they should get the job. It doesn’t work that way. If you want to move ahead in your career, you need experience, an education, and qualifications. It WILL take time and it WILL be hard, but if WON’T just fall in your lap. You need to work for where you want to be in life.
Other people take on this mentality when it comes to dating. They again put aside personal growth, but also put aside emotional growth because they feel that, in the end, the right person will just pop up out of nowhere and love them for who they are. Our world today is a world of constant self-improvement and the people that put off self-improvement because they feel they’re a “good person” are doomed to be heartbroken time and time again because they’re essentially refusing to improve mentally, physically, and emotionally with someone else. Let’s break it down:
1. Mentally-As we enter adulthood, several traits become abundantly clear. A) We need to pick up our messes. Our mom isn’t going to always be there to do our laundry, wash our dishes, cook our meals, and vacuum the floor. We need to do this and become functional adults. B) We have more things going on in our lives and therefore need to be organized. I am still amazed by the “last minute” adults. I am in awe of the lucky few that can’t or don’t plan things, because I am amazed at how their life hasn’t crumbled around them. It will eventually, and I don’t want to be around when it does. C) Your word is your bond. If you commit to something, even as little as taking out garbage or sending an email, you need to do it..and on time. Irresponsibility is an adult’s worst enemy.
2. Physically-We live in a world that is becoming more and more health conscious. If we expect to find love, we either have to look all over the world for someone to accept us as we are, or we have to seek to make ourselves “marketable” to the people we’re trying to attract. This means exercise and healthy eating. As adults, our metabolisms are lagging and we can’t plow through three nights of Chipotle like we did in our younger years. We need to watch what we eat, take our vitamins, and exercise..three things we should have learned growing up. If we let ourselves go and fall out of shape, we need to snap back and get back in line. My motto here is: “Being a “good person” may make you friends, but it won’t get you a relationship.” You need to realize who you want to attract and be attractive to that type of person.
3. Emotionally-As adults, we should have realized that we’re part of a larger picture. If we’ve reached adulthood and haven’t figured this out, we will struggle in life and relationships until we come to this realization. We can’t always put our needs before the needs of another or we’ll always be alone. Sometimes, friendship means sacrifice and compromise, and sometimes it means standing your ground. There’s a balance here and too much of one or the other will topple the relationship. There is a give and take in every relationship we make, and if we always refuse to see things through another person’s eyes, we’re taking and not giving back. These types of connections aren’t relationships, they’re parasites.
Continual change is part of being an adult. We can’t just get “stuck” or pass around blame when our lives don’t turn out the way we’d hoped. Be a “good person”, but seek to always improve yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Good things don’t just happen..we make them happen.