LOST

Things We Lost in the Fire (album)

It's an album.. "Things We Lost in The Fire"..by a great band.

Sean,

I have a friend that constantly asks for help and then never does anything with the advice she gets back.  She has had financial issues and was really out of shape after letting herself go at the end of a bad relationship, so she will ask for advice on how to turn things around (and we give it to her), but then she never does any of it.  When we ask her, she says she forgot, or it was too hard.  I was raised to believe that if you are asking for advice, you should take the feedback and work with it.  She obviously doesn’t care and it’s driving the rest of us mad.

Allison

 

Allison

There is such a thing as a lost cause.  Sometimes, people that are unable to help themselves want advice just to verify that what they’re doing is wrong.  Once they know that, it plays into their self-esteem and weighs them down even further.  You’re doing the right thing in providing helpful advice, but you’re doing the wrong thing when getting upset that it isn’t followed.  I do it every day, and I can’t expect people to follow my advice, nor can I be upset if they choose not to.  My job is to provide them with alternatives to what they already know (or to sometimes explain they’re right in doing whatever they’re writing in about).

Take Andy for example.  He has asked me for advice several times, he has made bets with me (and lost BTW) about losing weight and getting into shape, and he hasn’t consistently followed any advice he’s been given in the last year.  However, he’s not a lost cause because he’s trying.  He’s seen firsthand the benefits that following my advice can bring and it encourages him to get back on track when he falls off of his path of self-improvement.  He keeps trying, and that’s all I can ask for.  If he gave up trying, I’d give up the advice..and you need to evaluate whether it’s worth continuing doing the same with your friend.

If your friend has given up, there may be underlying issues such as depression and you may need to look into getting her help.  In the meantime, don’t stop giving positive encouragement and advice.  Hopefully she can pull herself back up.

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