News

I read yahoo News from time to time and just found this good article from Match.com.  Normally, I find their information to be a little dated and too “cushy” for most people, but I wholeheartedly agree with the article.  Men don’t want to be lied to.  They want a woman that is genuine, honest, and open.  In the event that your “mouse finger” isn’t working and you don’t want to click the link above to get to the article, I’ve listed it below and added my two cents in italics below each section.

1. Sharing your man’s interests
Often, women will feign interest in activities that they would never normally do in order to get to the first date with a man and to keep things moving along once they’re seeing each other. Don’t go crazy for his favorite football team, develop a love of white water rafting or suddenly crave Ethiopian food if those things simply are not true to your character. He will eventually see through it or be greatly disappointed when he didn’t get the outdoorsy woman that he always dreamed of once you grow tired of it. A man would rather you admit early on that you’d try something new just for his sake than to act like you absolutely love something that you have totally hated all your life.

I despise women that, out of the blue, decide to buy a dog or like sports because they feel it will help them find a guy.  I also hate it when a woman lists different musical, movie, or clothing tastes but instantly “loves” everything you do when you are getting to know her.  Men don’t want a doppleganger, they want a partner. Be original.

2. Friendships with other men
Do not act like your guy friends are purely platonic when you’ve actually dated (or hooked up) in the past with some of them. Guys understand that you can be friends after the romance ends, but they really want to know whether or not Bill, who you have lunch with every day, is simply a work buddy or a former flame. Your boyfriend doesn’t want another guy knowing intimate details about you without his knowledge. Being honest about this area of your life is key in how he chooses to interact with them and whether or not he’ll accept your friendships with these men.

I once dated a woman that had many guy friends.  About a year into it, she began revealing that all of her guy friends were former flames.  When I asked why she didn’t tell me right away, she said, “What does it matter, a friend is a friend.”  Wrong.  A friend isn’t a friend when they’re an ex, and it should be revealed up front.  Men don’t care how many people you’ve dated or how many people you’ve slept with, as long as you’re honest about them.  Don’t mask an ex as a friend.  It will only lead to issues later.

3. What you want out of the relationship
Be clear about what you want out of love. Do not tell him that you want something casual when you know that you have already planned the wedding out in your head. Don’t say you want to settle down when you are juggling 10 other guys on the side. He wants to know what the goal is in your dating game so that he can decide whether or not to continue playing along. Also, easing into a relationship doesn’t guarantee that you will be able get something deeper going down the road with him if you change your mind.

Men are just as guilty of this.  Men usually do it to get sex while women usually do it to get a relationship.  If both people hide what they want, it leads to huge issues and a rather explosive end. 

4. Your opinion on his circle of friends
Do not act as though you like his friends and family when you really don’t. Men have been caught in this trap many times by believing their woman was comfortable around — and even enjoyed spending time with — their inner circle, only to find out months later that she was actually miserable. He would much prefer that you were honest about which people you enjoy being around and which ones you don’t care for. Many relationships are lost when an annoying friend or family member is always around. Let him know your true feelings about his circle so that he can make adjustments to make you more comfortable.

You don’t like his friends?  Suck it up.  Do you think he likes hanging out with your friends that are constantly bragging about how good it is to be single?  What about the cooking class he took with you and your friends, or the baby showers he’s been dragged to?  He goes because he cares, and you need to go with him and do the same.  Who knows?  Some day his douchebag friend may actually snag a girl that doesn’t act like a hooker and you’ll get along.

5. Your overall look
Men love a beautiful woman, whether she’s all natural or full-on glam. However, most feel that you should be just as stunning at 6 a.m. as you were the previous night out at dinner. Men get the magic of makeup, heels and even Spanx — but they want the “natural” you to be just as captivating. Plus, they want you to be just as confident and sexy without all those props as you are with them.

6. What goals you’d like to achieve in the future
Don’t approach him as a high-powered career girl and then, once you move in together or get married, decide to quit working to stay home all the time. Men like to feel that they know what type of partner you will be down the road, and if you are secretly hiding a passion to work abroad, become a soccer mom, or dig into a few more degrees, he needs to know this so that he can make a more informed decision about your overall relationship compatibility. The truth is, he has a picture of the “ideal” family life in his mind — just like you do.

If you have no ambition, just say it up front.  If your long term goals are to “work really hard and then become a stay at home mom when kids are born”, also make that known up front.  Good luck with that.

7. Your desires in the bedroom
Some women pull out all of the “big guns” in the bedroom early in the relationship only to cool things down once a man’s hooked. Men feel that the way a relationship starts out sexually is where it should stay, and if you are playing around and pretending to be something you’re really not in order to get a ring, he will be devastated. Be your true self in the bedroom and you’ll have a better chance of building a sustainable relationship.

Okay, I am guilty of this one too (flip the sexes in the above paragraph), so I’ll just say women and men both need to have the sex talk before things get too far into the relationship.  If someone expects sex every day and someone else doesn’t want daily sexcapades, then there will be issues if it’s a surprise to either person.

8. What you find attractive about him
Why are you interested? Why are you there? If you’re interested in him only because he is a fabulous lover, tell him that. If you are only interested in him because he is powerful and successful, be honest about that, too. Most men (like women) know their strong points and their weaknesses. He’ll know what really see in him and will be greatly surprised if your actions and words line up with his thoughts. Bottom line, he wants to know what attracted you in the first place so that he can maintain it and keep you interested over time.

Picture it this way.  Let’s say the two of you buy a car…a Lexus.  The man wants it because it’s a nice looking, safe, fuel efficient, and showy vehicle.  The woman wants it because she likes the seat fabric pattern but SAYS she wants it for all of the reason the man does.  Later on down the road, the woman ends up hating the car’s handling, brakes and how the faded fabric looks, and tells the man.  All along, the man has believed the they were on the same page, and he now has to deal with the fact that the woman doesn’t like the car.

The same goes with people.  If you like a man because of his looks and he lets himself go, it will fall apart.  If you like his humor and he gets depressed, it’ll fall apart.  What you should do during the beginning stages of the relationship is decide whether or not you like the entire package or whether it’s just one or two aspects that you appreciate.  If it’s not the entire package, you need to consider heavily if this is the person you want to be with.

9. Your romantic history
Be clear about your past relationships and love history. He wants to know who he should be on the lookout for, who hurt you the most, which one is “the one that got away” and who you still have to deal with regularly because of things like kids, a job or a family member. Men do not want to be surprised by your past lovers, and they also want to try to avoid doing the things that let you down or hurt you in the past with other men.

I have met women that don’t want to divulge any information about their past relationships because they feel it’s too overwhelming for the man to handle.  I say it’s a cop out.  I’d rather hear up front that the reason you’re single is because the underwear model you dated simply moved away (“otherwise we’d still be dating”), or there was a guy you broke up with you that still calls you from time to time to talk about things and you ignore him.  How open you are with your boyfriend is a reflection of how well your relationship will work.  There is no room for secrets in a relationship and the sooner you realize it, the better.

So there you have it ladies. From a normal guy’s view.

Sean

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