Avoidance

Anonymous wrote:

Sean,

I have a friend that basically runs away from commitment and avoids conflict or standing up for her needs.  Case in point:  Our rent went up with our second year’s lease, and rather than explain that she simply couldn’t afford it, she started living with a guy she’d basically just met so she didn’t have to tell me.  She just left a note saying “I spend less time here, so I’d like to pay less rent.” 

She’s also a slob too.  She leaves her stuff all over the bathroom when she comes home, leaves dirty dishes for days at a time (usually until I do them), and doesn’t help with household chores.  I did her a favor and let her move in when she was looking to get out on her own after a relationship ended, and she basically mooches off of me now.  What do I do?  How do I teach her that she is an adult and adults stand up and face their problems and talk about things?

Anonymous

 

Anonymous,

Becoming an adult is more than turning a certain age..it’s also about growing up emotionally and mentally..and there are some people that take a very long time to make that adjustment.  It’s usually these types of people that have troubles in relationships and with life in general.

Being an adult is demanding.  With work, cleaning, cooking, kids, spouses, and other commitments, time is scarce and so are resources.  Your friend is obviously not ready to grow up yet and this shows through in her messiness, her lack of commitment and followup, and her avoidance of things that stress her out.  I’d try talking with her about the issues that you have and explain why you’re frustrated.  If she refuses to grow up, then she’ll have to grow up without you as her friend and roommate.

It’s not always easy to do the right thing, but doing the right thing says volumes about our character.  In a world that is becoming increasingly social, character will define you these days.  It’s time everyone realizes that.  Good luck.

Advertisements