Love locked me down..

Mani wrote:

Sean,

I have an issue.  I have been dating a guy for two years and I love him more than anything.  This is the man I want to marry, and I know this.  The problem is, I was just recently offered my dream job out in NYC and we currently live in New Mexico.  This would be a huge distance for us and he and I both agree that long distance relationships don’t ever work, and they don’t end well.  He couldn’t come with me because it’d mean leaving his two year old daughter from a previous marriage.  My question to you is, should I go?  Should I stay? 

Mani

 

Mani

Personally, I think you should stay.  I place much stronger emphasis on good relationships and love than I do getting a “dream job”.  A dream job is simply material where the loving relationship is much more than that,  a dream job lasts for 10-20 years at the most where a loving relationship can last a lifetime.  Of course, there are no guarantees for either one, and with both you’ll have to work hard, but you get my drift.

Statistically, long distance relationships have a VERY high failure rate (no matter what people fool themselves into believing over a year or two year’s time), so I feel you and your boyfriend were right in not pursuing that option.  I also appreciate that you didn’t pressure him to leave his children.  I once dated someone that did that and actually had the audacity to say, “You need to choose who is more important…me or your daughter.”  I chose my daughter and she went away mad.  No one should have to choose, because no one should be selfish enough to MAKE them choose.  Everyone should be on an equal ground in a relationship where there are also kids.

However, if you doubt whether or not this relationship will turn into marriage, I’d also advise you to weigh going to NYC.  If you two have talked about marriage and he feels the same as you, then all will work out..but if you’re the only one talking about marriage and he is just existing, then I think you’ll be better off pursuing that dream job.  His daughter may adore you, but she’s young and she will move on, as will you and your boyfriend.  Don’t stay just for the hope of something, stay because it’s a sure thing.

Sean

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