Parents write too..

Jean wrote:


I had a conversation with a co-worker that recommended I read your blog and, after reading some of your posts, I decided to write.  This may be a bit weird (because I am 55 and much older than your “usual” reader) but I had to ask. 

My 16 year old daughter is dating a total loser.  He doesn’t have a job, he doesn’t have a car, he has been kicked out of his parents’ place, and he has a really bad attitude.  He recently snapped at my husband because my husband denied his request to move in to OUR house with OUR daughter.  When he was told denied, he said, “Well you tightasses are the reason Dana and I can only count on each other..” and he walked out.  Since then, our daughter Dana has been torn between listening to us and listening to him.  How do we convince her that she needs to “raise the bar” on the people she dates and that she deserves better?




Unfortunately, with your daughter being a teen, if you try to prove you’re right, she’ll dig in harder to prove SHE’S right and you’ll have a real mess on your hands.  You can point out that he is not being respectful and responsible, and praise her respectfulness and responsibility, you can limit how much money she gets from you (if she works, she’ll have only a paycheck to divide between two people, etc.,), and you can maintain the rules within your house and with your daughter, but that’s about it.  SHE has to follow the rules, HE doesn’t..unless he’s in your house.  Hopefully, if he gets her grounded for being late or for not being where she says she is, she’ll see the problem with dating a bad boy and realize she needs to be more responsible with the people she dates. If he becomes violent or overly combative, ban him from the house and shorten her curfew.  This problem is not an easy one to fix, but I hope you get lucky here.