I am an attractive 27 year old guy in my prime. I recently started online dating because I felt the local pool was a bit too watered down for my tastes. Instantly, I hit it off with a woman who had no picture because, as she explained in her profile, she “was a little self conscious”.
We would email each other endlessly and we grew closer and closer over a few weeks. It was only when I asked her to finally see her picture that I started moving away. She is obese. I am not talking slightly overweight, I am talking 200lbs on a 5ft6 frame obese. I was extremely disappointed that she’d put down “a few extra pounds” when she was clearly way over that. Our conversation fizzled and I haven’t really talked to her much since, though she’s emailed me a few times to see why I haven’t contacted her.
How do I tell her that she could easily have me if she lost 50-60 lbs? I have standards that I am not willing to compromise, but she seemed so cool..
No one should get to “have you”. You’re not a prize..no one is a prize. You’re a single guy with a big ego. And, speaking of single, with your attitude, you’ll likely be single for a long time to come.
If she’s overweight, then she’s overweight, and if that’s a dealbreaker for you, then that’s all there is to it. Just let her know that you feel you two aren’t a good match but it was nice getting to know her. You do not need to say any more than that. Whatever you do though, do NOT act like a douche and tell her she needs to lose weight so you two can be together. If you can’t accept her as she is, then it’s not worth your time or hers. We should enter into a relationship accepting who the person is. If they change down the road (emotionally, physically, mentally) but we’ve accepted them as they are, we can adapt or deal with the changes as they happen. Entering into a relationship hoping to change someone is a disaster waiting to happen.
You’re basing attraction on the person you pictured in your head while you were emailing. You feeling disappointed is 100% your fault and hopefully you’ve learned a lesson here. Personally, I would like to know who I would be talking to, so I’d offer a picture in some fashion and ask for one in return.
You’ve left a woman hanging and you’ve got some explaining to do. If you truly feel she isn’t for you, let her down nicely and move on. Let’s hope she finds someone better than you appear to be.