Not here, not now.

Melissa Y wrote:

Sean,

I don’t know if you can help, but I have an issue.  My boyfriend of two years and I broke up almost two months ago and I am absolutely miserable.  I spend half of my day wishing I could see him and the other half wishing I could talk to him. 

Silhouette of two people

Stop being your own shadow.

It was a mutual breakup, but I am regretting everything that led up to it.  I wish we could just work things out or that I could just talk to him and make him understand that even though I agreed to breakup, I still want him to wait for me.  I’m afraid to start looking for someone else and I worry about how crushing it’ll be if he finds someone else because I honestly feel no one on Earth could love him like me.  What do I do here?

Melissa Y

 

Melissa Y

Love him.  Love him all you want..no one said you need to stop loving him right away.  Just be aware that no matter how you feel about him, loving him won’t bring him back.  If you move on or if he moves on, if you both stay single, that doesn’t matter.  You just need to realize that your love isn’t a relationship..not here, not now.  Whether it rekindles in the future remains to be seen.  I know in the past that I’ve said getting back together after a breakup isn’t a good idea, but in some rare cases it DOES work when that “rule” is broken.  If you both move on, change yourselves for the better and find your places as individuals, there is nothing saying that a future reunion is out of the cards, but don’t sit around waiting for it to happen.  It’ll feel like you’re waiting for a bus that may never come, it’ll stop your personal growth, and you’ll screw things up just as bad as the first time.

Love him if you like, but let go of “what could be”.  Allow your feet to touch the ground and live YOUR life.  Find YOUR happiness and figure out what YOU need to do to grow.  If you find love somewhere else, then you do.  Stop being afraid and start living your life.

Sean

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