Crazy quotes..

I occasionally get emails that are either unanswered (as I search for more information from the author), too inappropriate to post, or just too confusing to even pursue.  I call them “lost causes”.  In my emails, ‘lost causes” included, I also get strange/funny quotes that are sometimes too good not to post.  I’ve gathered up the best from all of my unposted pieces and listed them below. Thanks for the laughs.  Here they are:

“I’m not a slut, I just like to outsource my orgasms.”

“And there he was whackin away like he was trying to start a fire.”

“Body heat so hot it made my ass crack sweat.”

“Semenal nose plugs.”

“With abs so cut you could grate cheese for crotch nachos.”

“Her lips looked like two giant hotdogs.”

“He’d have to have balls the size of Pluto, you know, since it’s not a planet.”

“So I smacked her ass with the candle..”

“I mean, who wants the smell of tuna on their coat?  Besides cats..”

“After two beers was stark naked and cursing at a sign pole.”

“I couldn’t believe it fit up in there.”

“She had back hair.  Lots.”

“She swallowed the popsicle WHOLE, without even blinking. Not the stick though.”

“There was a ton of it, everywhere.  Even on the plants.”

“He farted, and I swear to god, the house buckled.”