I recently stumbled across a post from a friend of mine on Facebook that made me remember I’d been working on a post that I had yet to publish. After a little digging, I found it:
I’m a thinker. I guess you could say I am overly analytical and it drives the men I date crazy. They say something like “I like you, and I begin to wonder “How do you like me?”, “Do you love me?”, “Why did you say that just now?”, and so on. It ends up becoming a much bigger issue than it should be and everything almost always falls apart. I am wondering if you can tell me why I do this, or IF you can tell me why, can you also tell me how to stop it? I’m ruining relationships faster than I can find them and it is getting really depressing.
You’re a “thinker”. It sucks to be a “thinker” because thinkers get SO into analyzing things that they often lean toward the
irrational/emotional connections they find rather than remaining rational in their thought processes. I was once a thinker and it took the patience of a very understanding woman I dated in Iowa to wake me up from my ways. She and I dated for just over a year, but I drove the relationship into the ground. She gave me this advice (as we broke up..and I’m paraphrasing..): “Sean, when you find someone again, you can feel and you can think. Find a balance there and don’t lean too far one way or the other.” I viewed this advice like running in a rolling barrel in a funhouse. You can run a little one way or the other, but when you run too far on one side, you almost always end up on your ass. In essence, you lose control by not finding a balance and your thinking collides with your feeling which brings everything tumbling down.
Her advice is what changed me and my guess is that you’ll either have to gain enough willpower to stop yourself or you’ll have to find a kind man that is patient enough to give you the same advice while he is telling you you can’t be together. Either way, it’ll be sobering and it should change the way you analyze things in a relationship. If you can, I’d advise you to build up enough willpower to stop yourself. Not only will it eliminate your thinker issue, but you’ll also have the confidence in knowing you have a serious amount of determination when you need to use it. It’s just knowing when to stop. It’s perfectly okay to wonder how someone feels about you..it’s NOT okay to let it fill your every waking thought.