Sand in places I didn’t even know I had..

Anonymous wrote:


I was on vacation in Puerto Rico after a recent divorce and met a man down there that was also from my state.  We got to chatting and found we had so much in common that we eventually both left our group of friends we’d come with and started spending all of our time together.  On the last night of the trip, he met me at midnight on the beach we’d where we first met and we made love under the moon.  It was passionate stuff.  I couldn’t help to feel that there was a pretty deep connection with us and was relieved when he said there was too. 

I waited to hear from him two weeks after I got back and got nothing.  When I finally tracked him down on Facebook, he’d moved to New York (he said it was a last minute work thing) and was starting over there.  I couldn’t help but to feel as if we met at the wrong time.  Now, all I do is think about seeing him.  We had such a wonderful few days and I want that back.  I’ve even though about moving to New York and surprising him.  What do you think?  Should I go for it or am I better off letting this one go?




I think you had the blinders on here.  I see several red flags here that say to me that this guy used your divorce and your

Barney Stinson
Was THIS the man you slept with?

vacation to play you for some sex.

First, you’re in Puerto Rico and meet someone from your own state?  Okay, that COULD happen, but this one also has a TON in common with you?  I call BS on that one.  Meeting a guy at your corner grocery store that has a bunch in common with you would be difficult enough, but this is next to impossible.  Either he overheard you and your girls talking about things or he simply picked up on your conversation and used it to find commonalities.

Win: Reality guy      Lose:  Fantasy guy

Next, you leave your group of friends and spend every waking moment together (finding more “in common”)?  I am going to say that you never even saw the group he was with, am I right?  He didn’t have a group but he isolated you from yours and worked his magic.  He came alone and with one goal in mind.  That goal starts with a “v” and ends with “agina”.

Win: Reality guy       Lose:  Fantasy guy

Then,  Fantasy guy asks you to meet him on the beach where you two lovebirds met and you make love.  Passionate love.  Okay..a-hole behavior aside, at least you enjoyed yourself and he didn’t just get off and ..get off.  It appears he stuck around and at least made small talk afterward, which is something.

Win Fantasy guy       Lose:  Reality guy

Finally, Fantasy guy does the vacation version of “I’ll call you” and you wait, only to find out a short time later he’s “moved” to NY for “work reasons”.  This is a HUGE red flag indicating you were lied to.  I’m going to say that he has never lived in your state.  Instead, he used your vulnerability, overheard conversations, or even Google to find out more about your situation and exploited it for the V-goal.  If you were talking about people, places, cities, etc., he picked up on it and turned it into useful conversation.

Win: Reality guy        Lose:  Fantasy guy


Winner:  Reality guy (who is also an a-hole).

You’re going to have to face that face that there is a 99% chance you were deceived here and let this guy go.  Even on the 1% chance you weren’t deceived, he’s gone and there is a 100% guarantee that nothing good that will come from you moving out there and surprising him.  You had your moment, but it’s time to move on and chalk this one up to being caught up in a stressful emotional state after a divorce

.  On the brighter side, it appears as if you’re over your divorce…

I wish you luck in finding love in 2012.