I seem to be attracted to women out of my league. Either that or I am a coward. I am a 30 year old, single, very fit and (from what I am told) attractive male, but I just freeze up or totally flub a conversation with women I’m attracted to. I come off looking like a total spaz and I’m getting sick of the constant rejection. Maybe you can help me figure out what’s wrong?
I’ll say this as simply as possible: I think your fear is internal and it builds up until it starts messing with your brain. There isn’t anyone that is out of anyone else’s league. There is NO league! Take the show King of Queens for example. Doug was an overweight, insecure, unromantic schlub that managed to catch a pretty attractive woman that had her shit together. The hot girl/ugly guy not just for show themes either..hell, Lyle Lovett married Julia Roberts! On the flip side, there are also very “hittable” men dating some less than average women. Hugh Jackman is one example that comes to mind and I’d bet there are a ton more, I just don’t have the stomach to search for them. Men are more visually oriented and may place more weight on the attraction, but from time to time, both men and women DO look past the superficial things (like looks) and find the beauty in someone. If you’re running into women that make you nervous, you’re building the whole thing up in your head due to some personal insecurities. Then again, if you’re acting like an overconfident douche, then I can understand why you’re being rejected.
The first step, the initial approach, is simple. This isn’t like a big game hunter approaching aggressive gorilla..the person won’t maul you for saying hi. If he/she makes a scene, you have to ask yourself if that kind of person is the type you’d want to get to know. If he/she seems normal, you don’t need a show of machismo or sexuality, just go up and say hi. Stop staring at her boobs (or his chest?..I have no idea what women stare at) and talk to them like a person (even if her boobs ARE pretty fantastic or that bulge in his jeans looks like the sub you ate before going out) and remember: absolutely NO pick up lines. Just be yourself and don’t be “that guy/girl” who is out to get laid. Just have a good conversation and, if by the end of it you two feel mutually inclined, set up something from there. Show genuine interest, ask questions, make him/her feel comfortable with you, then let things take their course. All in all, just remember that there is no “league”..everyone is on the same playing field. Some of us just have bats and the others have..mitts.