It comes and goes in waves.

BBT wrote:


I have a dilemma.  I was seeing this girl and we talked literally everyday.  I would text her goodnight every night before bed too.  After a few weeks, we had sex the night before I left town for work.  When I got back, we met up again for dinner and she told me she loved me.  I downplayed it a bit, mainly because I didn’t want to hurt her by telling her it was too soon for me to develop those feelings, but also because it was a really awkward conversation.  She went on to explain that she’d been hurt years ago and didn’t know if she’d ever love someone, but she opened her heart to me. 

I finally broke down and told her I didn’t feel that way yet and I asked her what I could do to make it comfortable for her, but she didn’t want to talk about it anymore.  She got this kind of hurt look on her face, but smiled it away and we finished our night.  The next morning, she scurried out of my apartment like a ghost and hasn’t answered my calls since then.  I am concerned that I may have broken her heart, but I don’t know what else I could have done to ease the letdown of telling her I didn’t feel the same yet.  How do I explain to her that for me, those feelings take time?


English: Boling water in colour
Don't cook naked.


I don’t think there is any easy way to tell someone you don’t yet share the same feelings in a relationship.  It’s like boiling water waiting for the pasta.  Let’s say you reach for the pasta and accidentally knock the pot of boiling water onto the floor.  Whether you’re actually burned or not, the chances of you refilling the same pot and making pasta are rare.  More than likely, you’ll just move on to something easier.

Unfortunately, the same can be said for some people in relationships.  They “fall” so fast that after only a short time, they’re boiling over with love.  When they have their pot bumped off of the stove, they hit the ground and rather than figure out how to deal with things and make it work, they back away and find someone who will fall in love with them just as easily.  These new relationships rarely work and this type of mentality is a recipe for disaster.

Now I am not saying she did anything wrong by loving you, just as you did nothing wrong by letting her know that you hadn’t developed those feelings yet.  However, rather than talking about it, she seems to have simply pushed you out of her life.  What I’d recommend is calling her one last time and talking about things.  If you have to leave a message, explain to her that you do care about her, but your feelings are still developing and (if you want to still continue to get to know her) explain that you’d like a chance to talk about things in person with her.  If she agrees, then you’re off on the right foot.  If she doesn’t call within a week, you’re just better off moving on.