Jim Beam with a side of breast milk..

PQ wrote:


I am 31 years old and all of my friends are the same age or older.  I am writing you because they feel I am not as mature as they are and here’s why:  I go to happy hour several nights a week with work people while my friends are married and go home to husbands/wives/children.  I live in the city and they chose suburbs.  I live in the city because I like night life.  Even though I work the typical 8-5 job, I go out several nights per week, I have hangovers twice or three times per week, and I can hold my own when drinking.  I also smoke like a chimney when I drink and all of my friends quit in their twenties.

We were all debating this last weekend because all of my friends wanted to go out at 8 and be home by eleven and I got upset.  I said they were growing weak and not essentially being cool anymore.  Several of my friends took offense and sat back down to argue.  They said that they have marriages and kids to focus on now and they wished I’d grow up and realize that there are things more important than drinking, smoking, and going out.  I took offense to THAT and said they needed to realize that 30 doesn’t mean you’re a wrinkly old bag who can’t hang with friends.  Needless to say, it turned into a big disagreement.

What do you think?  Am I being immature by getting plastered a few nights a week, smoking, and staying out, or am I just a single woman doing what single women do?  I don’t think there is a cutoff for being young, do you?




Neither side is wrong in this case PQ, but your late nights, smoking, and drinking heavily enough to have a hangover (several nights a week) may be a reason you’re single…and with good reason.  Your friends ARE right in saying that there are more important things than “tonight’s party” as you get older and if your whole week centers around nights out, drinking, and smoking, chances are that potential suitors may see you as too immature to handle the normalcy of a relationship.

Despite what you may know about relationships, they’re all built on the idea of forming a routine.  Even relationships that rebel against being routine, develop a routine to handle the rebellion against routine things.  A relationship is building a foundation for a future life which will most likely mean the people involved go out less, see friends less, and start focusing on the things important to them and their future.  Kids are also a factor.  If you have kids to watch in the morning, the LAST thing you should be doing is going out and drinking heavily at night (I can understand a “work party thing”and having a drink or two..but not seven..).  You need to be constantly interactive with the kids and not just let them do their own thing while you lay on the couch with aspirin and Gatorade.  Having parental/spousal duties is completely acceptable.  You being single is also completely acceptable, but you AND your friends shouldn’t judge each other for your lifestyle choices.  If you want to be single, be single and enjoy your nights out, your happy hour induced hangovers, and your smoking (which I as a guy find to be a huge turnoff).  However, if you’re looking for a relationship, you’ll need to evaluate the path you’re on and work to change some things.  I’d advise you to quit smoking and get into shape, to cut back on happy hours, to develop a regular sleep pattern (go to bed at a certain time and wake up at a certain time regardless of what day it is), and to really figure out how to make a relationship a focus.  Without these traits, it’ll be very difficult to find a guy that will stick around because guys (especially as they age) desire stability..and if you don’t have it, you’ll find yourself single for years to come.  There isn’t a cutoff for feeling young..however, there IS a point in which you’ll either have to choose to be a responsible adult or stay on the same path.  Hopefully you find being a responsible adult to be much more rewarding.  I know I do.