All bark no bite..

DCFem36 wrote:

I am having an issue I hope you can help with.  I have a really good guy friend who is a disaster.  He’s almost 30 and still has horrible dating luck (I actually thought he was gay for awhile because he’d always say he’d lost interest in a woman, but I just found out it turned out THEY lost interest in him..), he is a slob, and he can’t seem to get his life in order.  He keeps reminiscing about his high school days and about how great everything was, but it seems like he can’t let go of the past and look to the future, and it’s really hurting his chances in finding the right person.  Women want a guy that has his sh*t together.  We don’t want to be someone’s mom or deal with someone that refuses to grow up and be responsible.  How do I make him see this?

DCFem36

Disney's Peter with the Lost Boys
"Tights. The manly version of being feminine..really."

DCFem36,

I get emails like this regularly and I’ve answered some right here on the blog, but I’ll go over it again.  It’s really hard to make this kind of person see the error of their ways, but if you want your friend to be successful, you’ll need to be persistent.  I’ve known my fair share of “Peter Pan people” in my day (people that have difficulty accepting the responsibilities and duties associated with adulthood), and it can be frustrating to see them fail at being an adult over and over again. You could spend years fine tuning every aspect of their life (trust me, it’s stressful), but here are the 4 things you’ll want to stress with your friend:

1.  Organization is key.  Clean house, clean clothes, clean life.  Life past college is not lived in a pile of dirty clothing and pop cans.

2.  Health is essential.  There are a few women out there that will go for a guy and not pay any attention to how he looks.  Those types of women are rare past the age of 25.  Your friend needs to get healthy and stay that way to make himself more marketable to women that he may be attracted to.  Women want to invest time with a guy that will be around for awhile, not one that will knock off at 35 due to heart disease or lung/liver cancer.

3.  Responsibility rules.  Pay your bills, follow through on things you say you’ll do, and make sure you put your priorities in order.  Financial, family, educational, and career responsibilities come before the other fun stuff.  It HAS to be that way, so it’s best to learn it now.

4.  Plant your roots.  Figure out who you are and where you fit in this world and walk that path.  If you’re the “project guy” after the age of 30, you’re doing it wrong.  You shouldn’t always be coming up with a new money-making plan, you shouldn’t have no idea what you want from life, and you should already know who you are and what you have to offer in a relationship.  If your friend isn’t there, get him there.

Encourage your friend to always seek personal improvement in these categories.  It may be hard to NOT sound like you’re harping on him, but you need to try to approach it from a positive perspective and reward the positive, while discussing the negative in a way that makes him understand that he still needs work in some areas.  Let him know that your friendship is important and you don’t want to see him waste away his potential.  If he still doesn’t want to change after a few years, maybe you’re better off backing away and letting him fall down.  Maybe he’ll figure things out on his own.
Good luck!

Sean

Advertisements

Lay it on me.

Anonymous wrote:

I’ve been dating this girl for a few months and I have a dilemma.  I can’t stand to kiss her.  First off, she has bad breath (which I didn’t know until it was too late), and secondly, she is a horrible kisser.  When kissing, he goal seems to be to shove her whole tongue into my mouth to violate my gums and tongue.  She doesn’t just lay it in there, do the flicky tongue thing, or even go for my throat, she just shoves her tongue in there and whips it around like an ice cube in a blender.  I’ve tried to “lip block” her, but she just pushes right past them or waits for my guard to drop.  How do I let her down easy and let her know that both of these things are too much for me to handle?

Anonymous

Three teenagers tongue kissing.
I'll allow it.

Anonymous,

I’ve posted before about how too much tongue in a kiss is a bad thing in my book.  To me, there are only two things that will completely kill my libido.  No, farts are not one of them, oddly enough.  They are:  hairy arms and horrible kissers.  If this is a dealbreaker for you, just let her know.  Don’t worry about letting her down easy because she needs to know that you find these things unacceptable.  Be tactful and honest, and just say what’s on your mind.  I think people try to be the “nice one” when discussing these things when sometimes, it just needs brutal honesty.  Good luck.

Sean

Drop a size, drop your pants.

Marie wrote:

Sean,

I am a recovering “fatty” who has lost half of her bodyweight in the past two years.  I now eat right, I workout, and with the help of a few surgeries to fix droopy skin, I look fantastic.  The problem is, I was largely ignored and ridiculed throughout my teenage and college years for being so obese, and now that I’m verifiably more attractive, I am finding it hard to say no to the attention I’m getting from men.  I’ve had LOTS of partners in the past year and I’ve enjoyed it, but I can’t seem to slow down enough to find the right guy.  I guess you could call this my “slut phase” and I’m looking for your tips on ending it.  I’d like to find mister right.

Marie

Legs of a woman
That's right. Keep those puppies closed for a bit..

Marie,

I can understand how your elevated self esteem may make you more confident in the bedroom, and I can even understand your “making up for lost time” in the bedroom, but you will definitely not find Mr. Right in the course of a one night stand.  My first tip to you is to stop having sex. Close your damn legs long enough to get to know someone.

Yes, we know, you’re hot..but that doesn’t mean that you need to be “legs in the air on a Tuesday” hot.  Just be comfortable with who you are as a person and don’t rely on sex to make you feel complete.  You should be able to have a conversation, get to know people, and feel comfortable with who you are without sex.

Your self-esteem may have been damaged during your overweight years and I’d also recommend seeing a psychologist.  They may help you better uncover why you are having such issues with slowing your urges.  I know sex can be healthy and fun, but at the wrong end, it can also be dangerous and dirty.  You want to find a way to control your urges and maintain a sense of identity outside of the bedroom.  Make sense?

Good luck!

Sean

To call or not to call..

Allison wrote:

Sean,

I have a dilemma.  I really like this guy and he says he really likes me, but I am always the one calling him.  He doesn’t call me at all, and when I DO call him, he is very short with me on the phone and doesn’t want to chat.  Yet, when we get some alone time, he wants to kiss me and stuff but not just hang out.  He says he really cares about me and he acts like it, but why won’t he talk to me or hang out with me?

Allison

 

Allison,

I’m going to go ahead and guess you’re relatively young.  If that’s not true, I’ll say that you’re new to dating?  This guy doesn’t care about you.  He cares about getting into your pants.  If a guy can’t talk to you on the phone, if you have to do all of the calling, and if he can’t just hang out with you without climbing all over you, he’s purely interested in physical aspects and not in the relationship.  Your best bet is to let this guy go and let him grow up.  Depending on how old you are, you may want to even wait on dating until after the horny teen years are over.  If you’re older, you may want to evaluate the quality of man you’re pursuing.

Gobbledygook

BVB12 wrote:

Hello,

First time reader, first time writer here and I am hoping you can help me with something.  I’ve been dating this guy for awhile and he likes to talk dirty in bed- but when he gets into it, he starts talking gibberish, like using all sorts of weird nicknames and slang words rather than just being “normal”.  I can’t tell you how much of a turnoff it is to hear, “I want to feel your snozzy vernash against me” (or something like that) while trying to be intimate.  Don’t get me wrong, I like dirty talk, but he gets a little too creative and is either having some sort of Harry Potter fantasy in his head and just inventing crap to say, or he just doesn’t get it that it makes me almost laugh while we’re having sex.  What do I do?

BVB12

Rubeus Hagrid
"Snozzy Vernash", said Hagrid..

BVB12,

I couldn’t help but to laugh while reading this, so I completely understand why you’d feel like laughing.  This weird word thing would definitely be a dealbreaker for me, so if this is something you can’t handle, try talking with him about it to let him know how you feel about the Harry Potter dirty talk.  If he is unresponsive to your request to change his habits, maybe it’s time to let him find someone who is into that sort of thing.  Either that, or wear an Ipod during intimacy so you don’t have to listen to it.  Maybe you could also dress up as Hagrid and scare him a little.

Sean

Kool-aid

Sorry for the lack of posts last week.  Some big changes are taking place in my life that required my attention.  Good things ahead for the future.  I just have to wait a bit now.  Updates to follow in the next week on that.

The other change was that I quit GNC.  I am no longer drinking their special Kool-Aid and have found better options for supplements than they can ever provide.  GNC’s prices were SO high, that even WITH my discount, I was still paying $10-30 more for product than it was regularly priced at our competitors.  Stores like Vitamin Shoppe, Max Muscle, and online sites like bodybuilding.com and netrition.com offer better selection, unbiased customer service and a better private label product, so I’ve decided to focus my purchases with them, rather than overpaying at GNC.

The hardest obstacle for me to overcome was GNC’s private label product.  GNC products are have a consistent reputation for having a moderate quality mix (they’re usually way behind the industry on ingredients) and a VERY poor taste.  I heard how horrible GNC’s protein was every single weekend, and attempted to convert people over to better tasting proteins like Optimum Nutrition every time.  GNC sales associates are required to pitch GNC’s products and required to tell you how superior it is compared to other proteins, but the fact is, their protein formula is outdated and the flavor is so bad, it scares most people away from drinking protein as a whole. Pricing is the other issue.  Currently, their Wheybolic 60 protein (which has the horrible taste and outdated formula) is $72.99 regular price for 3lbs.  A better tasting and similarly formulated Dymatize protein is $56.99 for 2 lbs..but at Vitamin Shoppe, a 4lb tub of that same Dymatize protein is $37.99.  Huge savings..AND Vitamin Shoppe has a healthy reward program that pays you back at the end of the year for buying stuff with them.  Max Muscle doesn’t have the reward program, but they have great pricing, great sales, and an amazing private label pre-workout and protein product line.

Their pre-workout drinks at GNC also get a bad reputation for having poor taste and minimal results and the only thing that is saving the company is their vitamin quality.  They really ARE good vitamins compared to Centrum/One A Day, etc., but they’ve jacked up in-store prices on everything (to make their private label product seem like a savings compared to the artificially inflated prices of the brand name stuff), so finding good product at a great price is difficult at GNC.  They’ve also removed many of the national brands from their stores in hopes of pushing their own private label product.  Max Muscle has a ton of private label items in store as well, but it’s much better quality, WAY better taste, and a much better price.  GNC does have the “beat ’em by a buck” signs up stating they’ll match any competitor’s product price by a dollar, but the process is SO cumbersome, many people don’t take advantage of it.

GNC has a loyal audience, and I respect that.  I’m not here to take any customers, I’m only stating what I discovered while working for them.  My whole goal with working for them was to give the customers the best product for the best price.  If that meant sending them elsewhere for a better deal, then that’s what it meant.  My approach to being healthy was to give the customer the information they need to make the best decision for their goals, then let them make their own decision.  I wasn’t a “pushy salesperson” (a common reputation for GNC employees), and in the end, I realized I couldn’t be that person for GNC, so I left.

I don’t know what the future will bring, but I hope things run smoothly.  More posts to come today!  Let’s get caught up!

Shoot the sh*t

Anonymous wrote:

Sean,

You seem to be able to answer anything people throw at you so I am writing in for the first time.  Here it goes:  Have you ever taken such a difficult poop that when you’re squeezing you fear you’re going to have a stroke?  Or that your nose is going to start bleeding from straining so hard?  This happens EVERY time I take a grunt (number 2) and it’s really been a pain in my ass (no pun intended).  Any ideas as to why this is happening?  I don’t like doctors so I’d rather not go if I don’t have to.

Anonymous

Italiano: Divieto di scoreggia English: no far...
You REALLY need to go to the doctor if you're farting fire. You me diagnosed as part dragon.

Anonymous

Doctors will agree, you should never have to strain to go to the bathroom.  If you are straining, I’d first look at your fiber intake (which should ideally be between 25-35 grams per day), then your water intake (dehydration can cause constipation), and your diet (too many fatty foods can affect your digestion).  If those are not a factor (meaning you’re getting enough fiber, you’re drinking enough water, and you’re eating healthy), visit with your doctor because it may unfortunately be more serious than just an intake issue.  March is colorectal cancer awareness month and it’s as good a time as any to get yourself checked.  Hopefully you just need to fix your diet.
Sean