I am facing a big decision ad I need your help. My wife has (about 7 months ago) blessed us with our third child and has also had a full histerectomy due to complications. Our sex life has been in the crapper for awhile and the histerectomy made it worse. She takes hormones to but it doesn’t help and sex is NOT enjoyable for either one of us. I can’t even tell you the last time either one of us had an orgasm.
After an argument a few weeks ago, my wife suggested I find a sexual relationship outside of the marriage. She said she’d be hurt, but she’d understand if that was something I wanted to do. I brushed it off at first, but now I think I’d like to try it, since she’d okay with the idea. What do you think? Should I go through with it? My wife and I are only 34 and I love her dearly, but I’d hate to think sex will be unsatisfying for the rest of our lives.
You absolutely should NOT do it. You seem to have missed the part where your wife said she’d be hurt in all of this. She is basically telling you that she is frustrated and out of ideas on improving your intimacy and feels like you’re too frustrated to talk about things any further. A hysterectomy is a major procedure and has many issues that arise later. You’ve got to handle them in stride.
If you step outside of your marriage, it will never recover. You will throw away a perfectly good relationship and parenting setup for sex..and not even sex with your wife. Sex with a totally different person which comes with a whole other set of issues and potential dangers.
You and your wife need to talk with a handful of specialists that can help you with your issues. It may involve some hormone therapy, psychological therapy, marriage counseling, and patience…yes, patience. If you love your wife as much as you say you do, patience will be the virtue that carries you through this. You’ll eventually reach a point where everything works out, but involving someone else sexually in this is not the right answer. It will only make things worse. You owe it to yourself, your wife, and your children to make it better.