One way street.

Jean wrote:

I like the post yesterday.  My sister is going through the same thing.  I am writing in for something different.  I have been dating a guy for the past 8 months, and he is not very “proactive” when it comes to intimacy and as a result, it seems like I am the only one making the moves or giving and all he does is take, take, take.  I am seriously out of options and I don’t know how to talk about this with him.  What do I do?

Jean

 

Jean,

It can be very frustrating to be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t instigate intimacy.  Often times, it can even lead people to second guess the nature of the relationship and feel like they’re stuck in between the dating zone and friend zone (..the Twilight Zone?..).

All in all, it’s never fun to give and give and get nothing in return, and there really is NO easy way to talk about it. I’d recommend just approaching it in conversation one night.  Something along the lines of, “You know, there is something that’s been on my mind and I’d like to talk to you about it…”  Simple, straightforward, and concise.  Lay it all out there and make sure you let him know how you feel.  Avoid blaming phrases (“you do ___”, “you don’t do ___”) and generalizations (“you always ____”) and make sure you stick to the topic.  Don’t get sidetracked on tangents or the conversation could turn sour.  Your task here is to try and make him understand that you feel you’re not getting back the intimacy you’re giving.  Hopefully, with a little discussion, he’ll be able to understand that he should be recognizing your needs as much as you recognize his.

Sean

 

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