Mommy dearest

BMD23 wrote:

I have a major dilemma and I am hoping you can give me some advice.  My mom has never liked my husband.  She feels we got married too young (22) and that we started dating too young (18) and that I need to find a “nice, rich man” to take care of me.  I don’t want that.  I am going to be finishing college soon (my husband too), and we have plans of both going out into the business world to make something of ourselves.  We’re not rich by any means, but we make things work and we’re deeply in love.  We even bought a house together shortly after we got married. where the problem lies.  I’ve never known my dad and my mom had always hopped around to different apartments in town year after year.  Well, apparently she ran out of apartments, because she begged us to let her move in.  We said yes and our life has been hell ever since.  Shortly after moving in, my mother started bossing us around, started a “curfew” for us, refused to pay anything but rent, and started nagging us about little issues.  She is also really rude to him and really nice to me at times.

Now, we’re a year into things and my husband and I had our first fight.  He wants her to move out and I don’t know if that’s a good idea.  When I hesitated on agreeing with him, he said it was either going to be her or him that left.  That started the fight.  Now, I don’t know what to do.  Should I ask my mom to leave even though she’s been there for me my whole life or do I put my husband in his place and hope my mother finds somewhere else to live eventually?  I don’t want to make either one mad, but I am afraid I’ll have to choose.


Happy Mother's Day Mom!
He's not allowed to smile. It's not smiling day.


You should politely ask your mother to leave.  You and your husband have your life in order and have things working in your favor, and she seems to have driven a wedge into that.  She can’t seem to get her life together and she is pushing all of her frustration onto you.  She’s essentially trying to get her life in order by controlling you and your husband.  She isn’t chipping for her fair share of groceries and utilities either (judging from what you said), so I’d politely ask her to find another place to live.  She’ll be mad, she may get emotional, but you made a promise to your husband to stand by him through good times and bad and you need to keep it.  Your mom needs to get over it and realize you two are adults.  You made the decision to get married, you own a house (which says a TON considering you’re in your early 20s), and you’re being responsible young adults and finishing school.  She needs to get back out on her own and mind her own business.  Hopefully, you and your husband can recover quickly after she’s gone.