I really enjoy your perspectives on things and I wanted to run something by you. I have a friend that was been looking to get her life in order (she’s a 32 year old “gamer” that was severely overweight and who has lived with her parents her whole life but was now trying to get her life on track) and she asked me for help. I am by no means as fit as you (think “Ryan Gosling and a half” with much less muscle), but I have been working out regularly and eating right for the past 6 months in an attempt to change my life.
When my friend asked me for help, she seemed so determined to get things turned around for her, but as we progressed, she seemed to back away from her goals. She’d make excuses, she’d find other obligations to take her away from the goals, and she became very defensive of things. When I’d push her to come run with me or to work out, she’d get upset and tell me to not pressure her, almost as if she had already given up but didn’t want me to know. The weird thing was that she broke up with her boyfriend (also severely overweight) because he “wasn’t trying to be healthy”, and yet, she wasn’t either. In fact, she was doing everything BUT what she’d set out to do. She would also pine over these hot guys at the gym, knowing full well they’d never go for a woman in her shape. She seemed to think that personality would win out and I politely reminded her that personality is what keeps people there-attraction is what brings them in in the first place. I believe you’d said that once or I read that somewhere.
I eventually gave up on helping her. I told her that if she couldn’t stick with things, I wasn’t going to be there to shell out advice and have her not use it. I told her I knew she wasn’t happy being overweight and living with her parents and that I was trying to be a good friend and help her find her health and happiness, but if she wouldn’t listen, she would be responsible for finding her own motivation. A year passed and she’d gotten fatter and still hadn’t moved out. She called me out of the blue and cried to me about how she needed help because she just wanted to find someone and be happy. I told her that she needed to move into my apartment and get her feet on the ground on her own first. She did, and I was a drill seargant friend. I woke her up every morning at 6am to run and workout. She’d fuss, she’d get mad, and we had horrible fights. She’d threaten to move out and I’d tell her to go..but she’d stay anyway. I taught her to cook, I taught her to clean, and I taught her how to have a proper date.
Now, two years later, she is 100lbs lighter and in a really great place. She even sold her PS3! She works out several times a week, she eats right, and she is doing well professionally and in her dating life. The guy she found is pretty good too, it’s my brother. He came for a visit one time and the two of them hit it off. They’ve been pretty serious for the last 6 months and the future looks good.
She and I have a great friendship too. It was really difficult, and she got horribly mad at times, but she’s better off now, and I am thankful I was determined enough to make it happen for her. I saw through her insecurities and her low self-esteem, and I saw the person she was trying to be. I motivated her, I pushed her, and I helped her gain a new sense of self. I just wanted to pass that along for anyone that is in a similar situation with a friend or family member. Keep pushing them while showing them you care and hopefully they’ll come through like my friend did.
I even pushed myself. I am almost as trim as Mr. Gosling. I have to say it’s pretty spectacular how far I’ve come. Maybe I’ll send pictures sometime for your readers to see.
Thanks for being an awesome motivation for people.
Thank you for reading. Great story. Yes, it can be hard to stay motivated when giving up is so much easier, but the end result is always better than the work in progress. Success with ANYTHING requires determination, motivation, and discipline. For anyone out there looking to improve the quality of life, keep the end goal in mind and always be working toward that goal.