I was listening to the radio this morning and the morning show took a call from a listener who had the following dilemma:
This woman calls KS95 and says she and her husband have a daughter and her husband has another son from a previous marriage. She then goes on to say that she is calling in because she is wondering if her husband’s son is even his biological son because they don’t look alike. She also says the son doesn’t look like his mom either. She wants her husband to get a paternity test because (as she said) “my husband and I are getting ready to start saving for their college and my husband’s child support payments make it hard to save anything, let alone put money aside for college.” The morning show hosts try to dig deeper, and she essentially comes out saying that if the son isn’t her husband’s biological son, she feels he can just not see him any longer and doesn’t have to pay anymore. The hosts asked a few more questions and the caller said she’d approached her husband about the issue and said she wanted the two to get a DNA test, but he was upset by the idea. She also stated she was thinking of doing the DNA test in secret and presenting him with the information later. The hosts advised against this, saying it’d pretty much destroy the marriage, but the woman seemed to brush off all of the comments and made it seem like she was going forward with it anyway because SHE wanted to know.
What this woman is failing to see is, a family is a family. Whatever you marry into and help create is a family. The little girl has a brother now, just as the woman has TWO kids (biological or not). Let’s say this boy IS biological..is the caller then going to start caring about him more? If he isn’t biological, is she going to stop caring about him and cut him off financially if the husband still wants him around? She needs to wake up and realize that she dated and married a guy with a child and as a married couple, they are BOTH responsible for the raising of BOTH of their children, biological or not. Financial aspects are included in this. A step parent can’t say “I’ll only pay for braces for my biological children.” In a marriage, the parents provide for ALL of the children in the household, plain and simple. She knew what she was getting into from the start and knew this man had a son, and if she chose to date, then marry this man, taking care of his son is simply part of the deal now. We don’t get to choose whether or not we take care of children, and when entering into a relationship with someone with children, you can’t think about just the two of you, you need to always consider the children. I’ve been in relationships where women have just wanted to date me and don’t want to consider the fact that I have a child and fatherhood responsibilities. If I’ve talked about futures with them, they have said they couldn’t care for my daughter the way they would a child that we had together. They essentially set up walls before they even give things a chance. These relationships don’t last long and they usually don’t end well.
The callers lit this woman up. They all sided against her and rightfully so. It’s good to see there are parents and step parents out there that know what a responsible and loving relationship should be. For those without children: dating someone with kids is hard, we single parents know this. We’re on the other side of things and we know what you’re facing because (chances are) we’ve heard it all before. It isn’t easy, but as I’ve seen with my own siblings, it can turn into something wonderful and rewarding. When choosing to date someone with children, don’t just consider the present..consider the present and potential future, THEN decide if you’re ready for the relationship.