I have been dating this guy for three weeks and he keeps calling his ex. They broke up a week before we got together, so I clearly see they’re not over, but he’s a really nice guy and I don’t want him to leave me. I make him let me see his phone every time we’re together and I made him give me the password to his email, but I still worry he’s contacting her and deleting his trail. What do I do?
Think of life like a moving truck. We have our lives all loaded inside and we’re constantly moving from one place to another. Along the journey, things will move, things will fall and break, and stuff will get scratched. We could spend our whole lives fastening everything down and wrapping everything up and gluing everything to the walls or floors in an attempt to keep everything in order, but chances are, we’d constantly be fixing things, we’d worry when we hit a bump or heard a knock, and we’d never get moved.
Constantly controlling other people is not the way to keep people in your life. You need to realize that people are free to go where they please and do what they want, and the only two things you can do is be the best person you can be and let them realize you care about them. Love them unconditionally, ask them for honesty and trust, and if they can’t provide that, then it’s time to let them go out of your life. Personally, with you demanding that he allow you “inspections” of his phone and you snooping through his email, I’m surprised he’s still around. I’d say the damage has been done here and you need to let him figure his things out and you need to be alone until you learn to trust people more.