Hard conversations.

Donna wrote:


I am hoping you can help me.  I met my husband in college and we dated for two years, then married (going on 9 years).  Things are good between us, we love each other very much, we have two wonderful kids, and we don’t really argue.  The ONLY problem is this:  My husband is fat.

When we met, he was 240 pounds, and a muscular 240.  I am 5’3″ and 120 pounds, and I wear it well.  I work out regularly, but my husband basically stopped taking care of himself just after we married.  He is almost 400 pounds now, and he makes excuse after excuse to not work out.  I love him dearly, but we don’t have sex anymore because I can’t really get into it, and he practically crushes the wind out of me if he lays on me.

I want my husband back.  What do I do?




You didn’t answer my follow-up email that asked what kind of excuses he was making so I am listing a few below:

1.  Weight puts extra stress on every joint in the body and it can lead to osteoarthritis.  If your husband is making arthritis pain or joint pain excuses, losing weight can help with that. Your husband needs daily movement and DEFINITELY some weight training.

2.  If your husband is insecure, there are places that allow for private workouts.  You could also buy some equipment to use at home.  There is always a way to be fit.

3.  If your husband is saying he doesn’t have time, he’s right.  Days are disappearing from his life span every day he continues to be obese. It doesn’t matter how healthy his heart may be, there are plenty of statistics that show ANY obesity can shorten someone’s lifespan.  Tell him you want to spend the rest of your life with him, and that you want to grow old with him.

4.  If your husband is using the “why should I?” excuse, tell him that you want to live a healthy, loving, and sexual life with him.  There is a direct link between obesity and low testosterone in many studies.  If he were to exercise and take a testosterone booster/estrogen blocker (like Recycle from Purus Labs), he may increase his sex drive AND feel more sexy as well as lower mood swings and increase energy levels (talk to your doctor).  Tell him you work hard for him and you’d appreciate him to work hard for you.  I have a friend who has a motto:  “Keep it tight, keep it right.”  It means, don’t ever let yourself go.

So no matter what excuse he is making, you have ways to talk to him and show him you love him and that you want to see him healthier.  The benefits are endless, I know this from my own experiences.  I went from 260 to 212, then added muscle.  I’ve kept my size 36 waist for 4 years now, and I’ve never felt better.  Sure, I still have my sore days after changing up my workout, but I love how I look and I am always pushing myself to look better.

The second question I asked in my follow-up was how you were motivating him to exercise.  If you aren’t motivating him, try positive reinforcement, try changing the meals you’re making (I have some good recipes here and there are more at Punchfork and Allrecipes.com), and have a talk with him.  Sometimes, it takes a second voice to make someone realize they need to be healthier.

We get so caught up in our work, our kids’s lives, and the all-in-all busy aspects of life that we sometimes lose sight of our health.  It’s like a car.  If you drove your car all day, added crap gasoline, never changed the oil, and never tuned it up, it’d fall apart in no time.  Treat your body better than your car.  If your engine blows out, it’ll set you back several thousand dollars.  If your heart blows out, it’ll set you back the rest of your life.

Hopefully, all goes well for you.  Email me in a few months and let me know how it goes.