Full support?

Connie wrote:

Sean, hopefully you can settle a disagreement that is tearing my marriage to shreds.

I married Tony two years ago and since then, I have put on almost 50 lbs. To give you a frame of reference, think of a toned 5-foot-three cheerleader and then imagine how 50lbs more looks on her. I am fat.

I am fat and I don’t really care! To me, being in shape was so much work and took so much effort that I decided to give it all up when I got married. I know you say keep-it-tight-keep-it-right, but why do all of that when you’re married? You’re already locked in to loving someone through sickness and health.

Anyway, Tony is in great shape. He works out three or four times per week and looks as good as he did in his 20’s.  Our disagreement comes in here.

Tony doesn’t degrade me, he doesn’t put me down, and he only tries to motivate me to join him at the gym. I get upset when he does that, because he should just love me as I am and not be so determined to see me exercise. He won’t lay off and I won’t give in. He says he motivates me because he loves me. I say he is politely calling me fat. Who is right? What do we do?


You said at one point that you were “Fat” and you didn’t care, but your husband’s motivation bothers you because you feel it’s the nice way of calling you fat? I call BS on that.

So you’re fat. Who really cares? Your husband does, which is a good thing. He isn’t calling you fat by trying to motivate you to be healthier, he is trying to show you that he’d rather journey through life with you in sickness and in health… but show you life is more fun when you’re healthy than when you’re sick. Heart disease, arthritis,osteoporosis, cancer, and a host of other issues are just waiting for a chance to enter your life when you are constantly making bad choices with your health. He doesn’t want that for you. He wants to be your partner in life, not caretaker.

You’re obviously bothered by the fact that he looks as good as he does. Maybe you’re even self conscious about the weight you’ve gained and you’re having issues feeling comfortable exercising… I can understand that. Stop denying you should be healthier and join him for a few workouts. What’s the worst that can happen?

So many things are more enjoyable when you are healthy enough to enjoy them. You have a seemingly good guy. Don’t wreck it.