Change in the cushions

Well, my fiancee and I moved into our new house.  It was a tough move in 90 degree heat, but we made it (a big thanks to everyone that helped)!  We’re settling in and unpacking and soon it’ll feel like home.  The house isn’t perfect, but it’s what we wanted, and in time, it’ll feel like the best decision we have made together.

The same thing can be said for marriage.  No one is perfect but if we’re willing to accept that, we’ll always feel like marriage was a good decision.  Marriage professionals say that 69% percent of disagreements are repeated throughout a relationship but it should never define a relationship.  If there is an issue, acknowledge it and talk it through.  Love doesn’t have to be overwhelmed by not seeing eye to eye if you can deal with issues as they arise, in the following ways:

1.  Respect each other.  No name calling, no subtle emotional jabs, no disowning someone else’s feelings.  You also need to respect yourself.

2.  Remember your “needs bucket” and “wants bucket”.  These are often combined into one indistinguishable idea, when in reality, they should always be two distinct viewpoints.  Do you NEED a $700 TV to complete the living room or is it a want?  Do you NEED to have DVD’s alphabetized or is it a want?  Figure out your two buckets and realize that your partner has them too.  Communicate down to the last detail about these.

3.  Learn that a difference isn’t negative.  In marriage, you’ll be sharing a life with someone that has a totally different life experience than you.  Neither experience is right, they’re just different.  Marriage is simply a million ways of handling different life experiences and sharing love with someone as you work them through.  It’s not the differences that matter, it’s how you work through them that counts.

4.  Change should be left in the couch cushions.  If you’re entering a marriage in an attempt to change someone, you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.  We should never attempt to change someone’s differences…instead, we should seek to understand them and appreciate them for what they are, then come together as one.

5.  The only control should be a remote for the TV.  No one controls a relationship.  Both sides work hard to make sure the other person is happy instead of being a push/pull situation.  When a couple communicates, when they share their feelings, when the express themselves in a constructive manner, and when they love each other enough to realize that differences are simply part of life, they will be successful in whatever they encounter.

Okay, back to unpacking..

Sean

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