Popsicle face

"I will END you!"

“I will END you!”

Have you even been out and about and come across a kid with a face (and sometimes body) full of popsicle stained stickiness?  I like to think things went down like this:

The kid was minding his own business, just sitting in his yard and pulling on grass when, out of nowhere, a vicious popsicle jumped over the fence and into his backyard.

“Gimme your money,kid,” the popsicle said.

“I’m just a kid.  I only have a diaper on,” the kid replied, backing away in terror.

The popsicle looked up at the house and said slyly, “Is that your mom and dad in there?”

“Yeah,” said the kid.  “Why?”

“It’d be a shame if something happened to them,” said the popsicle menacingly.  “You know, if I don’t get my money, something BAD could happen.”

The kid lashed out, “You leave them alone!”

The popsicle approached the kid, saying, “Oh yeah?!?  You gonna make me?”

The popsicle pushed the boy and they began to struggle.  The popsicle got the upperhand early on by repeatedly punching the kid in the mouth, leaving a colored stain around the kid’s face.  The kid rolled the popsicle over and struggled to the top.  The kid slammed the popsicle’s body over and over into the ground, getting his arms sticky and dirty in the process.

This kid apparently beat the crap out of his attacker..

This kid apparently beat the crap out of his attacker..

“Leave me alone!” The kid shouted.

The popsicle groaned, “I give!  I give!”

The kid pushed the popsicle to the ground and stood up victorious…but the popsicle pulled a knife and lunged at the kid, saying, “You’re gonna die today kid!”

“Not today,” said the kid.  “I will die old..warm in my bed.”

The popsicle lunged at the kid but was no match for the kid’s strength.  With one chomp, the kid bit the popsicle in half, leaving the bottom half to melt on the sidewalk.

Just then, the kid’s mom came out of the house and sighed, saying, “Look at you!  You’re a mess!  Oh, well…I have to get to the store and you’re coming with me.”

As I look at those kids in the store and they smile back at me, it’s almost as if they know that’s how it really went down.

In some cultures, they train the children early.

In some cultures, they train the children early.

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