Help! I really like this guy and we’ve been on two dates, but he won’t talk much on the date and he doesn’t call me. Should I call him to chat? How do I get him talking? He’s cute, but I want to find some substance in there.
I’ve been on dates where people tell me they’re nervous and that they don’t talk much when they’re nervous, but that was usually gone by the second date. If it went past that point, I usually didn’t see them any longer.
Shyness is fine once in a while, but if shyness is a “crutch” someone uses to muddle their way through getting to know someone, it’s more like a roadblock. To get to know someone and really find out who they are, you need to have conversations and really try to understand each other’s perspectives/likes/dislikes/etc., and you can’t do that if the conversation is one sided.
Assuming this guy is actually single and that he is interested in you, you need to do some verbal digging to get him to talk. If you met him online, read his profile again and try to find out what makes him excited, then talk about those interests. If he still clams up, then ask him questions and let him know you’d like him to talk more. If those things don’t get him talking, you may need to remind him that you’d like to get to know him better, but that won’t happen if he doesn’t communicate. Hopefully he comes around.
In the event that he still stays quiet, it may just be that he’s not the type of person you’re looking for and you should let him know that it appears you two have two different ideas of what “getting to know someone” means and that it’s not going to progress further.