Losing game

Anonymous wrote:

Sean,

My friends can’t seem to realize that I am, simply put, a screw up.  I ask them for advice, but the advice they give me isn’t uplifting or motivational, it’s usually “work harder” or “get over it” type of advice, not the kind that makes me feel good.

My parents divorced when I was 5 and my mom developed a drinking problem.  She dated over the years, but never found anyone serious.  I never saw my dad after their divorce, but I’d get cards and presents from him once in awhile.  I grew up too fast, had a drug problem, had a drinking problem, and now I am 34, unemployed, have only a high school degree, and I’m still living at home.  I have relationships, but they don’t last because people usually see how screwed up I am and they leave or they or I cheat on each other and we break up. Most of my high school friends have families now and don’t party like we used to, and many of them are married, so I feel like I was left behind.  The friends I DO have are from work and they’re almost 10 years younger than me, and I feel as if they’re leaving me behind too.  When I screw up, do something stupid while drinking, or have another failed relationship and I talk to them, they just give me their best advice but it’s never on my side-it’s always something that I have to achieve and I just want them to side with me.

Why can’t people just see that I am messed up and help me when I make a mess of things?  Why can’t they see that I just need to win for once and let me win in life, even it’s just one time?  Are people really that cold?

Anonymous

Anonymous,

You’re not going to like what I have to say.

You are messed up, I believe that.  However, you’re using being messed up as an excuse to stay messed up rather than recognizing the issue and working hard to correct it.  Yes, your mom’s drinking issues may have led to your drinking/drug issues..but you said you’re still drinking?  WHY?!?

I see it like this:  Let’s say you’re at a friend’s house and you are holding their computer and you drop it.  It breaks.  You admit fault and do what you can to remedy the situation. Your friend may forgive you.  Now, if you break your friend’s computer every single time you’re at their house and admit fault, they will eventually see that you’re not actually sorry for your actions (because you’d be attempting to NOT break the computer) and they will not be friends with you any longer.

Your phrase, “I’m messed up”, is your crutch.  You need to lose that crutch and start doing something for yourself.  Your friends’ advice is more than likely information on how you can turn your life around, but you want someone to turn your life around for you and that’s not how life works.  You can’t keep falling back on your childhood/adolescence and using it as a “reason” to be “messed up”.  AS AN ADULT, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN WELL BEING. That’s right..YOU need to do your own work to make sure you stop being “messed up”. Maybe it’s going to therapy, maybe it’s a rehab center, maybe it’s finishing a college degree of some sort.  Your life and your love life won’t magically improve on it’s own and there sure as hell isn’t some singing cricket that’ll come around and make your wishes come true either.

You can kiss my a- if you think I'm granting you any more wishes!

You can kiss my a- if you think I’m granting you any more wishes!

Life is only as good as you make it.  I realize you had a troubled past, but many people have had a troubled past.  Many people have even had it much worse than you, but it’s not a “who is deeper in the craphole” contest, it’s how we mature and move beyond things that matter.  It’s time to take your friends’ recommendations on improving your life (assuming they were motivational) and it’s time you stand up for yourself and stop expecting others to stand up and do it for you.

Advertisements