Back in the picture

Anonymous wrote:

I recently discovered I had a son from a tryst I had back in college.  He and I have talked twice in the last few months (he never had another father figure) and my son recently told me he is getting married in a few months and he invited my wife and I. My question is, what do I do about a wedding gift? Do I offer to pay for the rehearsal dinner?  I don’t want to make him feel weird, but I want to be in my son’s life in whatever way I can be.

What do you think?


I applaud your excitement on wanting to be a part of your son’s life, even if its been 20 or so years since his birth.  Its never too late to be a father.

About the wedding, I’d suggest having a talk with him to determine if he just wants you to be a guest or if he wants you to be involved in some way.  Until you’re clear on what your role will be, I’d assume you’re just a guest.  Have a talk with him and figure things out then go from there.

I hope things go well with the wedding too.  Hopefully you and your wife can continue your relationship with your son from here on out as well.