Nice guys finish..not always last.

Anonymous from Sydney, Australia writes:

Hi Sean

I am a 31 year old guy who can’t seem to find anyone to settle down with.  It seems like the women I meet always go for the “bad guy”/jerk and leave me in the dust.  Why do nice guys finish last?  I am successful, kind, a good family guy, I am dedicated to women I date, and I even own my own house and go to church on Sundays.  My friends say I am a good catch. What am I doing wrong?




It doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything wrong.  It may just be that you’re looking at the wrong type of woman…or you’re too nice.  Let me explain:

1.  You may be looking for a “fixer upper” type of woman or one that is high maintenance.  A woman with relationship issues doesn’t need to be fixed by you (she’ll tell you a million times) and will almost always leave you for the bad guy who doesn’t care about her and won’t try to fix her.  On the same hand, a high maintenance woman will take a TON of effort to keep her happy, and most times, nice guys will run out of steam in that department and she’ll become bored with the way things are.  Both of these types of woman can be toxic.

2.  You may be too nice.  Nice equates to boring.  I am not saying you need to be an ass, but if you’re TOO available, TOO giving, TOO affectionate, and TOO needy right off of the bat, you are sending the message that your value is based upon her affection.  It shouldn’t be.  You should show her that you’re interested in her, but also show her that you can stand on your own two feet and be your own person without her around 100% of the time.  You can like a woman, but don’t dedicate your life to her from the get go.  Save that kind of dedication for marriage and take the affection step by step.  Keep things casual and just get to know her.  Don’t seek to spend all of your time together, but make sure she knows you’d like to see her again. 

I hope you find the right person.  It’ll take some patience and some time, but if you take things step by step, it should work in your favor.