Is he or isn’t he?

Courtney wrote:

I am worried my boyfriend may be cheating on me.  He is going out without me most times now, and when he is out, he won’t answer his phone because he says its not fair to his friends. He also won’t tell me where he was or what they did.  He also stays at his friends’ places several times a week now and it bugs me.

We have dated for a year and this just started happening 6 months ago.  Let me know what you think. I would hate to just throw this away.


I would bet my left toe that your boyfriend is indeed cheating on you.  I would also bet my left toe that you’re either in denial or you are the most naïve woman alive.

His going out and not letting you come, his not answering his phone while out with “friends”, and his refusal to tell you what he did while out are three red flags that he is either cheating on you or doing something major he doesn’t want you to know.  The fact that its been going on for 6 months and he is sleeping away from home makes me lean more toward cheating theories.

A relationship only grows with communication and trust and you can’t build trust and communicate if he won’t let you spend time with him.

I’d lay it out for him and let him know things aren’t working for you the way they are going.  Ask him to either come clean as to why he won’t let you come out (and ask that you be allowed to come along on future outings) and tell him that keeping things from you is inappropriate and you won’t tolerate it any longer.  If he blows you off, its time to be proactive and get out of that situation.

Good luck.