No excuses for breaking up.

-M Wrote,
Sean,
I’m reeling here and I don’t know what to do.  I was in a serious relationship that went wrong.  I basically found out he’d been cheating on me for quite some time and lying to my face about it. He and I split up, he tried and tried to get me back, and I finally got a restraining order against him last fall.  The day I got the restraining order, he texted me and said he was moving to Florida and that he wouldn’t contact me again.  It’s been almost a year and there has been no contact, but the PROBLEM is that I can’t seem to shake the bad relationship.  I have this “Liars Suck” mentality and it’s all I think about.  I try to have fun and get over it, but whenever I have some downtime, the bad relationship sinks back in and I start thinking about how things fell apart.  It’s not even necessarily him I think about either-just the failure of the relationship.  I want to find someone new, but how do I do that when the old relationship is still on my mind?
-M
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-M,
If you constantly fall while rock climbing, there comes a point when you have to wonder why you keep hanging on to the fact that you fell.
We all get hurt.  I think I, and everyone of us know that in the pursuit of love, we are bound to get hurt at some point or another.  The best advice I have to you is to be hurt, then move on and learn from it.  Don’t dwell on the pain and the past, just let things go and move on.  It sounds like here, you’re hanging on to what went wrong and messing things up for you and your future.  You’ve got to let go and move past it to truly show yourself it’s over.  Hanging on to things is still letting your ex and your failed relationship have an effect on you, and if it was bad enough to get a restraining order, you shouldn’t be letting it effect you this far after the end.  By doing so, you’ve proven that he still has a hook in you and that means there is a possibility for him to work his way back into your life.  You may think that’s crazy, but by thinking about the relationship, you’ve already proven it to be true.
So what if you were deceived/cheated on/heartbroken?  Does that affect who you are or what you want from life?  It shouldn’t.  One mistake in a lifetime of memories isn’t something to think about for very long.  Let it go.
So what if you thought he/she was the one?  Does that mean there isn’t a soul on Earth that would still bring you happiness? Definitely not!  You’ll likely have no problem finding someone new, especially once you drop your baggage of what went wrong with the last relationship.
How do you move past it?  Delete it from your life.  Toss pictures (or delete them), delete phone numbers and email addresses, stop hanging out in circles that he may have a chance to be a part of, and stop thinking about it.  Get a gym membership and if you find yourself thinking of the relationship, go work out until you don’t think of it anymore.  See a therapist and find ways to move on.  You’re better off without him and you need to prove that to yourself, so stop trying to prove it to the rest of the world until you get help.  Stop wasting time on the wasted past.  You’re better than that.
Sean
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