Life sitting on the pot

Not IN the pot...wait, who put that on the stove?

Not IN the pot…wait, who put that on the stove?

Sean,

I have been dating my boyfriend for three years now and, while I want marriage, we have never discussed it at length.  Then, a few weeks ago, my boyfriend suddenly whisked me away for a surprise vacation in Florida.  It was a wonderful long-weekend trip and we had an especially fancy dinner during which, my boyfriend was sweating profusely and was extremely nervous (not like him to do either one of those).  That was it though, and the next day we came home.  He has been normal since then and my friends have been saying that his trip may been to ask me to marry him, but he didn’t ask me, so I am wondering if he got cold feet.  What do you think?  Should I ask him?  Should I wait? Should I just give up?

Alyson

Alyson,

Poop or get off the pot is my motto.  If you have been dating for three years, I would say it is long enough to know whether or not you want to marry someone.  This trip may have been your boyfriend’s chance and he may have been prepared to ask you….or not…there is really no way to tell unless he confided in a close friend (or is willing to tell you himself).

Give it a little more time.  Perhaps he had a big ordeal planned out and you let it slip on the vacation that you don’t like things like that, or maybe he had something small planned and got a hint you may want something bigger so he made a split second decision to wait.  If you ask him now, it may ruin something.  If you wait a few weeks and maybe ask a few trusted friends you two share (not just your friends), you may get the answer you were looking for.  If nothing happens, then gently ask him after a few weeks.

Three years is a long time to date someone without talking about marriage, especially since you’re obviously thinking about it.  I know some people may disagree, but having been in several long term relationships that dead ended, I feel if the topic of marriage isn’t AT LEAST lightly discussed after year one and in-depth before year two, you may be heading toward a dead end or you may be on different pages.  Marriage is a big deal, and a conversation can make the difference in how it works for the long run.

Hopefully your boyfriend just has come cold feet…time will tell.

Sean

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