Can’t keep crying

Dani wrote:

A work friend of mine is always posting negativity on Twitter.  Its constant drama with boys, talk about how bad her life is, and talk about how she is always sad she can’t find a better life.  How do I let her know she needs to either get help or stop complaining without hurting her feelings?  She is a good friend, but a big Debbie Downer.

Dani

Dani,
You can’t.  Unfortunately, anything you say about her constant tweet-whining will likely be taken as negativity.  I don’t know how bad the tweets are exactly, but she may need help for depression or something else…or she may just have a sense of entitlement and be complaining because life isn’t easy.

Either way, this friend needs to realize that constant posts about how horrible life is has two outcomes:

1.  People feel sorry for her-If her goal is to make friends or find dates through making people feel sorry for her, she’s perpetuating a cycle of drama.  She’s being selfish and people will eventually see through the “sorrow” and they will make a quick exit from her life or they will create more drama.

2.  People will see her as a constant source of drama and they’ll tune her out or avoid her- While things can happen that bring us down from time to time, no one wants to be around someone that is not willing to get themselves out of a bad situation. 

No one is helpless and we can all create better lives for ourselves.  Sometimes it isn’t fun and it is guaranteed to be difficult, but keep the end goal in mind and work toward a better situation.

If your friend isn’t willing to make better choices in life, if she’s not willing to work harder to improve her life or get help, she will always be in the situation she is in.  As a friend, you need to bring this to her attention whether she appreciates it or not.  She will likely be “hurt”, but she will probably get over it once she realizes you’re right.  If she doesn’t, maybe it is time you find a different “work friend” to hang out with.

Sean

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