Sean, I don’t know if you answer emails anymore because I haven’t seen much activity, but I am hoping you can help me with something. A friend of mine is always complaining that he can’t find a girl that will stay with him, because he says he is loyal and attractive and a nice guy, and “good in bed”, but he does not have a job, he does not treat people well, and he has no social skills or manners. It seems to me like he is overlooking all of this just for his looks and loyalty and I am wondering how I can tell him that women want more than just an attractive guy that will stay loyal.
What’s your response?
You have a good head on your shoulders. It seems like so many people today are focused on attracting people with three qualities: looks, loyalty, and being sexual. While those may be traits that attract people, they aren’t traits that will attract the “right people”. Your friend will end up heartbroken, alone, and miserable if he can’t realize he has to offer more than what he is displaying. He needs a path in life (career goals). A job at Jimmy John’s is good for a high school or college kid, but if he is out of school, he better be beyond that kind of job. If school isn’t his “thing”, learning a skilled labor job like welding, electrical skills, computer programming, etc., will take him far in life. As far as manners and social skills, it’s time someone gives him a crash course (you, Anonymous). If he is over 18, he should be dressing well, using basic manners (don’t swear in professional or family spaces, say please and thank you, know how to use silverware and to tie a tie, and know that conversation involves handshakes and eye contact and intelligence.
The “not treating people well” part made me cringe. Why is he your friend if he doesn’t treat people well? Have you told him to cut the crap and be respectful? What specifically does he do? This may be a harder course to correct, but do your best.