Don’t go back

Mario wrote,

Sean, a friend of mine recently went back to his abusive ex-girlfriend for the 5th time even though she has been caught cheating on him over and over and she slaps him in public if she gets pissed while drinking.

I don’t know what to do. He seemed so happy when he was single and looking for someone new, but she just inserted herself back in his life and he took her back. I worry they’ll end up together and I don’t want to be around her because she makes him so depressed. I want my friend back and I want him to be happy long term, not short term.

Mario

Mario

It’s a sure sign of weakness when unmarried people go back to cheating and abusive exes. The post breakup starts the same way…the newly single person talks about how they are happy being single and how they are doing so well by finally moving on, then they express frustration with who they did find and who they can’t find, and finally, they go on a few dates that don’t work out and they start sneaking their ex back into their life because he or she starts “being nice and different” this time around and the person starts believing that crap (it won’t be different).

I think it’s mainly a self-esteem issue and they eventually settle for the ex because they’ve convinced themselves it’s all they really deserve when they could really be much happier pushing to find the person they could really be happy with. Dating isn’t easy…if it was, online dating wouldn’t exist – people would just greet the first person they found attractive and they’d start making wedding plans.

Most of these “go back” cycles usually end in utter disaster or the person wakes up and realizes they don’t have to settle for the crappy ex, and now they’ve wasted even more time in life. If kids are involved, it’s especially bad for them seeing a parent go through disastrous relationship cycles with someone.

I’d love to say your friend will wise up, but it doesn’t always swing that way. Be a friend to him, but if you find this situation is bringing you down, maybe it’s time to start spending less time with him. Hopefully he sees he’s an idiot, especially for going back repeatedly.

Sean

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