Sean, I’ll be divorced soon after over 10 years of marriage, and I’m rusty with dating and am not sure I even knew what I was doing before when I was single all those years ago. I’m not sure I know how to see the signs that a guy isn’t worth my time. Please help.”
Online dating can be a drag for women. One minute, they are happily completing an online dating profile and the next thing they know, they have an inbox full of penis pictures and hateful emails yelling at them for not immediately responding.
Here are some ways to tell how if a guy online will be someone to avoid, or if you’ve already weeded through your inbox and set up a date, what to watch out for:
1. All of his role models and favorite celebs/athletes/musicians are male. If there is no important female in his life, odds are, you won’t be important either.
2. He doesn’t introduce you in social settings (or he diminishes what you do for a living). If he likes you, he will find what you do and who you are important enough to “show you off” to others. Not that you’re a trophy , but rather someone that he is proud to be with (run away if he only introduces you based on looks). If he diminishes what you do (i.e., “she just works in a daycare”), you are spending your time with a self-important douche.
3. He comments on more than 3 social media pictures at one time without emailing you to introduce himself. Social media is one way people can connect outside of dating apps but watch out for the randoms laying it on thick, like “You’re so hot.”, “We’d have so much fun together.”, “Love your hip tattoo”…these are all signs he is viewing you as an object and not a person. Normal people introduce or reintroduce themselves, make small talk, and get to know someone before making comments like that. Likes are a little different, but if a guy goes in and likes all 300 pictures of you on Instagram, start filing your restraining order.
4. He sends unsolicited sexts. If you think you’re getting a nice hello email and open it up to a what looks like an upside down Muppet modeling headshot, delete and block.
5. He is constantly rude to – or rude about- your friends. “Brenda is slutty, plain and simple.” or “Brenda, you’d find a decent guy if you weren’t so butch.” Go. Go now. Let Brenda beat his ass.
6. His online dating profile is all group pictures. This goes for women that have all group pictures in their profiles too. These people will eventually pull the “Well I’ve known them longer than you” card when you express frustration about only seeing them in group settings or one day a week. It’s best to avoid these types. A relationship happens when two people get to know each other on a personal level, not with a group of his (or her) friends.
7. His profile mentions his video game system. An adult doesn’t put enough priority in video games to mention them on a dating profile (unless it’s their living or they design games). If he talks about wanting to find someone who will play PS4 with him or his pictures feature him playing video games with his buds, it’s best to tell this guy “game over”.
8. He posts pictures containing only him and his material things or all “flex” pics. Boat, motorcycle, house, alcohol or gun collection, and 13 shirtless pictures. Best to just leave this guy alone or it will be all materialism, all of the time.
9. Their profile says “I travel extensively for work” and they don’t work for an airline. While they may travel for work, these people usually want someone that is okay being alone most of the time (the person gets home wants to see family and friends and THEN you) or they are flat out lying and want to keep it casual without having that conversation. Some travel is okay, but if it’s more than a third of the year (that is over 100 days for you non-math people), it’s best to let them fly away while you stay grounded.
10. He is all about grand gestures. A fun and unexpected first date is nice, as are some romantic gestures after getting to know someone. If it’s all about flashing cash and expensive things, he’s a collector. He collects things to show off and if you want to be treated like an equal, that will never happen with this guy.